Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Atheist Jokes

Cruising around the Atheist Sea O’ Blog, I’m often struck by how serious most of us are about ourselves. Maybe that’s because we’ve rarely been the stars in jokes. All kinds of other groups have been featured in gags. Although those laugh-getters are often politically incorrect, it’s hard to deny that they’re funny. There are Polish jokes, Jewish jokes, lawyer jokes, moron jokes, sick jokes, dumb-blonde jokes, lightbulb jokes, and even elephant jokes. But I’ve never heard:

Atheist Jokes

Why did the atheist cross the road?
He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.




Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window?
She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.




A minister, a priest, a rabbi, and an atheist meet in a bar at 10:00 a.m. The bartender asks the minister what he’ll have, and the minister orders a martini. The priest also orders a martini, as does the rabbi. When the bartender asks the atheist what he wants, the atheist says he'd like a cup of coffee. “Why aren’t you having a martini like those guys?” asks the bartender. “Oh,” says the atheist, “I don’t believe in martinis before lunch.”




Why does an atheist wear red suspenders?
To keep his pants from being taken up to heaven during the rapture.




A Jew, A Catholic, and an atheist are rowing in Lake Erie when their boat springs a huge leak. The Jew looks skyward, and says “Oh, Adonai, if you save me, I promise I’ll sail to Israel and spend the rest of my days trying to reclaim the land you gave us.” The Catholic looks skyward, and says, “Oh, Jesus, if you save me, I promise I’ll fly to the Vatican and spend the rest of my days singing your praises.” The atheist says, “Oh, guys, if you pass me that one life preserver, I promise I’ll swim to Cleveland.” “And how will you spend the rest of your days?” the Jew and the Catholic ask. “Well,” says the atheist, “I’m not sure, but I can tell you one thing: I’ll never go rowing with other atheists.”




How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.




An atheist goes to a Christian psychiatrist, who hands her an inkblot and says, “Tell me what you see.” The atheist says, “I see Jesus on the cross.” The psychiatrist hands her a second inkblot, and says, “Now tell me what you see.” The atheist says, “I still see Jesus on the cross.” The psychiatrist hands her a third inkblot, and says, “What do you see now?” The atheist says, “It’s Jesus on the cross again.” The psychiatrist says, “Hmmm. Obviously you’ve got Jesus on the brain.” The atheist replies, “Me? I only read the captions you wrote.”




Atheist: What’s this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can’t eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly’s prayers were answered.




How can you tell if an atheist lives in your refrigerator?
You find a copy of The God Delusion hidden in the cream cheese.




An atheist buys an ancient lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, “I’ll grant you three wishes, Master.” The atheist says, “I wish I could believe in you.” The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, “Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this.” The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. “What about your third wish?” asks the genie. “Well,” says the atheist, “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. “What’s wrong?” asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, “Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist.”




Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, “Can you believe the way this guy tastes?”




Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
God.
Who?
God.
Who?
God.
Must be the wind.

260 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great! We need more atheist jokes.

I've referenced this article and added a couple of mine at A Load of Bright.

The Exterminator said...

Hey, tobe, I'm always glad to get someone's creative juices flowing. Thanks for the reference.

Anonymous said...

I agree, many of us take ourselves 'way yoo seriously. If you can't laugh at yourself, other people will with derision and comtempt.

Great jokes.

Mikayla Starstuff said...

LOL These are good.

Finally, good atheist jokes that are not insults.

tina FCD said...

I love the last one.

Anonymous said...

Atheist Jokes? See if you like my one - its all my own work. Just follow my name link.

xxzjxx said...

This is so stupid, I can't understand how a human, no matter the intelligence level, can take this joke page seriously. You guys seem so desperate to make fun of atheists, (The good christian way!) just like a christian, making fun of people, and attacking other peoples beliefs. Please get a life and worry about yourself, you religious KOOKS!

Anonymous said...

Best Jokes!

Joke 1) God

Joke 2) God believers

Joke 3) I saw my aunt have her feet healed by Benny Hinn! Reply: Damn those nails must have hurt.

Give them some thought.

Anonymous said...

Great stuff. And you're so right, as a whole we atheist can be a bit stuffy. Glad to see you spreading some laughs. I try to do the same.

Anonymous said...

A Rabbi was walking and a arrogant atheist approached him and declared "I am a atheist and free thinker". To which the Rabbi repleyed "Do you think God Cares?"

Anonymous said...

A Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist
There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?"

Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying.

One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her."

He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord.

When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"

Anonymous said...

Haha.

Some nice christian jokes here, because good christians aren't full of prejudice or anything are they?

>.>

Anonymous said...

An atheist was rowing at the lake, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat. He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just stopped.

A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you dont believe in me, but now you are asking for my help?"

The atheist looked up and said: Well, ten seconds ago I didnt believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!

Anonymous said...

"Haha.

Some nice christian jokes here, because good christians aren't full of prejudice or anything are they?

>.>"

Right, because atheists are always bundles of joy who never say anything bad or prejudicial, amirite?

Anonymous said...

Very funny stuff guys! I was just posting on a forum about this and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one taking himself too seriously.

I wonder if it was Gods will that I found this blog?!?!

Nevermind, I'm converting!

Anonymous said...

For the record, Im an atheist who stumbled upon this page and I think these jokes are hilarious!

Anonymous said...

These jokes are only funny to christians... They all suggest that an atheist is deluded and it it from this that the humour is derived. As an atheist interested in the advancement of the human race i think these 'christian faith supporting jokes' are just one of the countless little things holding us back. We're educated beings now, lets 'get over' this religion business, shall we?

The Exterminator said...

Anonymous of September 18:
I don't usually respond to cowardly numnuts who don't have the courage to identify themselves -- even if only with a pseudonym. But in your case, I'm making an exception.

These jokes are only funny to christians...
There's an entire comment thread, plus links to this page from various atheist Web sites, that disprove your statement. I think you're mistaking your own sense of humor for some kind of universal. That sounds pretty much like a faith statement to me. Are you really an atheist?

...lets 'get over' this religion business, shall we?
Apparently, you can't "get over" this religion business even enough to leave your name.

Anonymous said...

I AM an athiest and I laughed at some of these. I loved the last one, and the one with the life perserver. Though had it ended with 'I promise to swim to Cleaveland' I think it would have been funnier.

Anonymous said...

I Think that's the best joke here yet 'The Exterminator!!' I'll identify myself shall i?... I'm 'The Annihiliator'! What do you want, name, address, contact telephone number? Well now you know who i am i can respond to your post without risk of appearing a coward... 1. I do not mistake my sense of humour for a universal, what i posted was my opinion. 2. It is somewhat i faith/belief statement, since these jokes are based around differences in beliefs/faiths/world perspectives i don't think to be unusual...? Are comments about jokes only to be positive? 3. Yes, i am really an Atheist - i think you are confusing this and agnosticism. 4. I Can't get over 'get over' this religion business to leave my name? What??! A ridiculous sentence. Read it again and see it makes no sense.

Anonymous said...

Taoism
Shit happens.

Buddhism
If shit happens, it's not really shit.

Islam
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism
This shit happened before.

Catholicism
Shit happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna
Shit happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism
Send more shit.

Atheism
No shit.

Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, shit happens.

Hedonism
There's nothing like a good shit
happening.

Christian Science
Shit happens in your mind.

Agnosticism
Maybe shit happens, maybe it
doesn't.

Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this shit.

Existentialism
What is shit anyway?

Stoicism
This shit doesn't bother me.

Anonymous said...

Knock knock

Who's there?
Atheist

Atheist... O wait a second I don't go around bothering people trying to relax

Anonymous said...

you guys who are complaining that these jokes are only funny to christians are hipocrites...im atheist and i was crackin up at some of these
they are funny, plain and simple, remember, they're jokes, not insults...i laugh at these, and then i tell religious jokes... if i cant laugh at myself, i shouldnt be able to laugh at anybody else, and you guys really need to start thinkin like that

Anonymous said...

Can u believe that Jesus Loves you too? lol atheists are silly humans.

Anonymous said...

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

Anonymous said...

you arrogant fools, evolution and Atheism have nothing to do with each other, plus most atheist know more about the bible than u idiots do:)

Anonymous said...

I GOT ONE
A man sees a boy with a box of kittens
the man goes over and says "oh what cute kittens!" the boy replies "yes they are Christian kittens". About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!" the boy replies "yes, they are atheist kittens" the man asks "wait, weren't they christian before?" the boy looks at the man and says " yeah but they have their eyes open now"

Anonymous said...

oh yes atheists are the devil? wtf, christian are intolerant! you say that WE aren't tolerant? well dammit look at you! you guys think anyone who doesn't think YOUR way is going to die in hell! newflash that is intolerance......hypocrites.

Soldier of Christ said...

hey excuse me all you atheists going crazy you have jokes about us too! we are not hypocrites your the "humanists" NEWSFLASH:

We are "Godists"

lol

Anonymous said...

I am an atheist. There is no god. Go to this site http://www.angelfire.com/ky/nogod/joke.html

Anonymous said...

Atheists aren't stupid; they are just evolved

Anonymous said...

None of these jokes are even remotely funny

Anonymous said...

i agree these are not even close to funny.. they are too long.

If you want a good atheist joke, ask an atheist. Like...

Why is the atheist an atheist? He read this joke page.

Anonymous said...

A Jew, A Catholic, and an atheist are rowing in Lake Erie when their boat springs a huge leak. The Jew looks skyward, and says “Oh, Adonai, if you save me, I promise I’ll sail to Israel and spend the rest of my days trying to reclaim the land you gave us.” The Catholic looks skyward, and says, “Oh, Jesus, if you save me, I promise I’ll fly to the Vatican and spend the rest of my days singing your praises.” The atheist says, “Oh, guys, if you pass me that one life preserver, I promise I’ll swim to Cleveland.” “And how will you spend the rest of your days?” the Jew and the Catholic ask. “Well,” says the atheist, “I’m not sure, but I can tell you one thing: I’ll never go rowing with other atheists.” Best one. It reminds me of this atheist army guy who was arguing about the whole ' no atheists in foxholes'. He recounted this time in Vietnam where they were being bombarded by the communists' gunfire, and in the same foxhole with him was a Christian. The Christian of course started to drop to his knees and said ' Oh lord save us from this hell..' and prayed long and hard. The author stopped him mid-prayer and yelled ' Stop praying, get on that radio and call for reinforcements! ' And soon after they did, of course they got help and crawled out alive.

Guy Who Just Posted said...

And I'll be damned, the spaces don't seem to work.


One reason I'm an atheist or, I prefer the word ' free thinker' is simply because I like being able to laugh at everything, including death and above all, myself.


And to the guys who can't take these jokes towards atheists - get over it. Some of the jokes are stupid, but some of them are actually funny. If you can't already tell, the author is an atheist and proud of it, but if we're all going to be unable to laugh at the way the religious peeps joke at us, we're about as bad as they are.

Anonymous said...

and on the millionth day god was created...

give a man a fishing rod he will fish for a day, give a man a bible he will later die praying for a fish...

I think being a christian doesn't sound that fun... I think I'll believe in lord of the rings or star wars :) better story lines

Anonymous said...

Atheist's suck hairy choade!

Anonymous said...

great jokes. i liked the kitten one. i am an athiest, but i could care less what religion you believe in, because if thats what makes you happy, then you have every right to it. but i won't tolerate people of other religions shoving shit at me and demoralizing me because i don't believe what they believe. just thought id get that out there.

Anonymous said...

why was Jesus a lucky guy?

-cuz he got nailed three times in one night!

Why could jesus walk on water?

-Cuz bullshit floats

Why does Jesus make a bad hockey player?

- He keeps on getting nailed to the boards

Whats the difference between a priest and a pimple?

-the pimple waits until your 13 to come on your face!

a priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walk into a bar...

-no punch line because its all one guy

NOW THEMS IZ JOKES!!!!
ENJOY, AND YES IM AN ATHEIST

Anonymous said...

Great jokes I love them. But the following link will lead you to a hillarious discussion between atheists and a Christian.

http://www.examiner.com/x-2359-Evangelical-Examiner~y2009m6d15-Atheism-Vs-Christianity--Its-all-about-faith?#comments

Anonymous said...

Type this on Google EncylopediaDramtica Atheist
So dam funny

abigail said...

as an atheist, i actually thought these were hilarious. especially the knock knock one.

Jessica said...

You're clearly stupid, atheism is the smartest, most sensible religion in the world. You think that it's funny to make fun of intelligence? Don't you think that it is considered smart to question what you believe? You aren't intellectually advanced enough to understand the flaws with what you believe. But really, talking snakes, people coming back to life, and giant floods that fill the Earth? I don't know, which sounds more reasonable? I think it's a pretty simple thing to understand. The only logical, believable religion is Atheism, but obviously I have wasted my time on stupid, religious nuts who believe anything they are told but the truth.

Anonymous said...

Atheist are stupid.Throw rocks at them.

Anonymous said...

Please I beg all of you do no make another religion of atheism. Its supposed to deny any religion.
Second: Live and let live.
Stop trying to force your beliefs on others. If ur doing that ur not different from `the other side`,and stop showing that your smarter just because you `enlightened`.
Third and last Yes I am an atheist (*which doesnt exclude spiritualism) Keep your eyes opened and find your own `god`(science, religion whatever)

Have a nice life full of experiences

Anonymous said...

There once was an atheist in my science class, now he lies under the grass.I chopped his head , now he is dead

Anonymous said...

These jokes are horrible. not funny

Anonymous said...

Laughed at jokes my race, gender, age, generation, hobby, personality and many other facets of my being. Indeed, a humourous take on something one knows well is often more interesting and I admit I tend to find such jokes all the funnier. I'm not the type to take offense from humour.
Jokes about my sense of rationality and reason however, just come off as quite pathetic and only make me feel a deep sense of pity and despair for the person or persons who'd make such a thing. It's the first time I haven't found something directed at myself or people like myself funny so I though it was worth a mention.

I can imagine laughing at these jokes when thinking about the sad creatures that made them up but it's a little too dark for me.

Unknown said...

Okay, my turn:

If God is the answer, what was the question?

Anonymous said...

lol im aethiest and these jokes are so stupid it got me laughing an aethiest needed to check his hypothosthis haha very silly

Anonymous said...

This is funny. Athiests are allowed to make fun of us, but when we turn it on them, they get angry. It's hilarious

Anonymous said...

a classic joke from an atheist lol.

What did god say to the pilgrim?

Nothing, god doesnt exist

XD

Anonymous said...

Another Joke:

Christianity.

Unknown said...

jesus its crazy how some athiests follow atheism religiously. i am christain, but i got nothing against athiests, apart from maybe taking yourselves a bit too seriously. great jokes here anyway...

There is an athiest who is walking out in the woods thinking evolution caused all of the beauty of the forest. Well along comes this 7 foot tall grizzley bear. Th e athiest turned around and saw the grizzly and screamed a bloodcurdling scream anruns up the hill. Then the grizzly starts chasing and closing in on him. Well just as the bear got ready to kill him he screamed save me God! Time stopped and a bright light shown in the sky and god said why should I save you after all these years of you teaching others I'm not real? The athiest replied, Lord it would be a hypocrocy to ask to be a christian now but could you at least make the bear christian? The Lord said O.K. Time started again and the bear took its paw away and put both together and said"Lord thank you for this food I am about to recieve Amen."

Trace said...

if god created the universe and there was nothing before god..... where did god come from?


JOKE: an atheist kid goes to sunday school.....

kid- god created the first to people right?

priest- yes


kid- and god watched them all the time right?

priest- yes

kid- and they were naked in this one garden right?

priest- yes

kid-and you dissapove of porn right?

priest- yes

kid- well from what you told me god created porn, so why don't you worship it?

priest- Go to hell you mother fucker piece of shit!

and the kid was never seen again.



leave a comment on my blog.

AthiestIsBetter said...

Silly christians, Myths are for kids.


Christians suck

Anonymous said...

this crap is so stupid ok atheists arnt diffrent people make us diffrent ok so stop!

Anonymous said...

Those jokes are as funny as atheism is undogmatic.

ALLAN said...

An Atheist in the woods admiring the beauty of it thought to himself, "Evolution made that tree and evolution made those birds, and made the flowers in the field, and the grass".

All of a sudden a Grizzly bear charges from the bushes after him. He runs away trying to escape but trips on a root. As the bear prepares to pounce on him he screams, "OH MY GOD!" The bear freezes in mid pounce, the trees stop waving in the wind. A bright light shines on him and a loud booming voice says, "You spend your entire life not believing in me, tell others not to believe in me, and attribute MY creation to natural selection!" "So why should I save you and if I do, am I to believe that you would now be a Christian?"

The atheist states that it would be hypocritical of him to assume that, but could God make the bear a Christian. God says, "ok" and time restarts... The bear gets down on his knees, folds his paws together and says, "Oh, Lord!! thank you for this meal I am about to recieve..."

though, your minds are empty...
your heart are of a different story, whether you like it or not.
CHRISTIANS still LOVE YOU! YOU make our ASCENSION easier.

Anonymous said...

To atheists:
Can you prove quarks interact with gluons any more than I can prove God exists?

The more you know about science, the more you realize that 99% of science is predicated on assumptions and 'faith' in theories. Even the greatest minds like Einstein and Hawking admit that much of the science that we know may break down under circumstances as singularities. How then is science so superior to religion, if it has no more substance than that which so many mock?

Bartonski said...

How then is science so superior to religion, if it has no more substance than that which so many mock?

----

Because a) science isn't claiming absolute truth... it's claiming to be the best answer we have, given the rigerous experimental evidence that has been gathered so far, and b) science will change, if new experimental evidence contradicts what is known so far... as opposed to your religion, which will *not* change when experimental evidence contradicts it.

And, because we're talking humor...

*rimshot*.

Phil said...

"You're clearly stupid, atheism is the smartest, most sensible religion in the world. You think that it's funny to make fun of intelligence? Don't you think that it is considered smart to question what you believe? You aren't intellectually advanced enough to understand the flaws with what you believe. But really, talking snakes, people coming back to life, and giant floods that fill the Earth? I don't know, which sounds more reasonable? I think it's a pretty simple thing to understand. The only logical, believable religion is Atheism, but obviously I have wasted my time on stupid, religious nuts who believe anything they are told but the truth."
To Jessica:

Prove Atheism
I'll prove Theism when you prove atheism.
I can't feel or see or touch or taste or sense no god... xD
Go the evolution of humans to the point we believe "science" a.k.a. anything we are told :)

Phil said...

"Laughed at jokes my race, gender, age, generation, hobby, personality and many other facets of my being. Indeed, a humourous take on something one knows well is often more interesting and I admit I tend to find such jokes all the funnier. I'm not the type to take offense from humour.
Jokes about my sense of rationality and reason however, just come off as quite pathetic and only make me feel a deep sense of pity and despair for the person or persons who'd make such a thing. It's the first time I haven't found something directed at myself or people like myself funny so I though it was worth a mention.

I can imagine laughing at these jokes when thinking about the sad creatures that made them up but it's a little too dark for me."

To the Anon who said this:
... isn't it mostly the atheists who are talking about and making some of this up? :D

Anonymous said...

"As an atheist interested in the advancement of the human race i think these 'christian faith supporting jokes' are just one of the countless little things holding us back."
They're jokes dude, get over yourself
"oh yes atheists are the devil? wtf, christian are intolerant! you say that WE aren't tolerant? well dammit look at you! you guys think anyone who doesn't think YOUR way is going to die in hell! newflash that is intolerance......hypocrites."
That's called sterotyping asshole. Some of my BFFs are Christian and they're the most "tolerant" people i know.
"great jokes. i liked the kitten one. i am an athiest, but i could care less what religion you believe in, because if thats what makes you happy, then you have every right to it. but i won't tolerate people of other religions shoving shit at me and demoralizing me because i don't believe what they believe. just thought id get that out there."
RIGHT ON!!
"Silly christians, Myths are for kids.
Christians suck"
Because thats tolerant. If you think Christians are silly cuz they have faith Whats your reasoning for hating them?
And besides, many scientists are Christians, and bee tee dubbs how is accepting modern science and different from accepting religion? Unless you actually read science journals, etc then you're just accpeting what people tell you. EXAMPLE: vaccines causing autism. There's a big fuss over this because some clebrities think so but science studies prove it isn't true.

Anonymous said...

this is so lame, we minding our own business and putting jokes here, why are all you idiots getting ur panties in a bunch and flaming and making this a battle of whos right and whos wrong.. why do we christians have to prove ourselves to you over and over? is it because you are in constant denial and live to make other christians lives miserable? scram, disappear. ur worthless...

Anonymous said...

In reply to Evolution has nothing to do with atheism, I have this to say. You are absolutely right. It actually makes ME believe in a God even more. My biggest problem with these debates is that so few people on both sides take into account CURRENT science, and hold it up to their position on things. Let's face it people we humans have believed in a lot of idiotic stuff. A flat world for one. Or the Sun revolving around us. Even atheists believed that one along with the Christians or Hindus or whatever. If you look at what evidence they had then, who could blame them? OH BUT WAIT!!! SOMEONE LOOKED AT THE EVIDENCE AND ROCKED THE FOUNDATIONS OF EVERY BELIEF!!!!

Galileo was ridiculed then by the Catholic Church, as Darwin was and every other. None of these "heretic" discoveries have disproved God. To me they only enrich the awesomeness. Science, I feel, is the gentle stroke of an archeologist's brush slowly revealing the face of an ancient entity. Did any of you consider this....That we as a species are on the verge of creating new species from scratch? By re-combining DNA with other atoms that do not form the genetic code we end up with workable DNA that is completely foreign to that of any life on this planet. IE we are about to create life
look at the chimp
he is lowly in intelligence, but to him the grasshopper is the lowliest creature, etc... Are atheists so vain that the completely rule out a higher intelligence than our own?

PLEASE!!! anyone who has something intelligent to add to this email me at spammagnet92@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

"Are atheists so vain that the completely rule out a higher intelligence than our own?"

Oh please. Don't talk about vanity. Christians believe that the entire universe was created just for humans and that he created a special place of paradise and eternal life, just for them. Now THAT is vanity.

Anonymous said...

I find it absolutely hilarious when atheists accuse Christians of intolerance, because how could some atheists possibly demonstrate this 'advanced thinking' of theirs when they denounce the beliefs of religious people. Aren’t they just being hypocritical when they shout 'god isn't real!' at any one who expresses their beliefs since they are being intolerant to others? If they claim to support the advancement of the human race wouldn’t they believe in equality? Surely they’re going against that as well for discriminating against religious people. I know that it’s a two way street and some religious people denounce non religious people but as a Christian who has faith in both god AND the human race I say atheists are entitled to their views and I’m entitled to mine, just don’t ram your intolerant views down my throat since religion works for me and millions of others and not you. These jokes are quite funny and I think some of these atheists should learn to laugh at themselves, it’s not every day you see the tables turned in this way.

Anonymous said...

oh, wow... you guys are so funny!! im pissing out bible verses. HAH FUCKIN HAH. loving god my ass. So hey guys, how bout next time...before you go around trashing athiests you think about your own species, do you know that CHRISTAINS yes, christians have a higher crime rate then ANY OTHER religion... you know why?! cause you turn around and say "OH holy ba-jeebus face, im so sorry i molested that little boy!" and your magically forgiven. so fuck off, and quit making rediculous sites like this... or the athiest's will see you burnin in hell.

have a lovely day ^^

Unknown said...

Some silly people here. These jokes were made by atheists for atheists!
They are all taking the piss out of religion.

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Unknown said...

You're all nuts :)

Jokes will ALWAYS offend someone, be they an atheist, a Christian, or a badger. The whole point of a joke is to make fun of something.

Wow.

Stop being so sensitive and just appreciate the funnies! :)

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ALL ATHEIST ARE GOING TO HELL! YOU DONT BELIEVE GOD IS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR AND HE DIES FOR YOUR SINS, GOD WILL PUNISH YOU AND SEND YOU TO HELL. WHENS ITS TO LATE TO BE WITH GOD IN THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, YOU WILL SUFFER. THERE IS A GOD, AND ONLY ONE GOD.

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No sense of humor guys. You're making us atheists look stale. Lol, we are stale.

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as a christiaN, i dont think its fair to say we are all hypocrites. i dont think badly of any of you.

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Funniest Atheist joke is when they die old and alone because no one likes them

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Funniest Atheist joke is when they die old and alone because no one likes them.

***Why would you think we would die alone? We are just as happy, if not happier, and we have friends, just like religious folks. We may even be happier, because we accept life and death for what it is instead of inventing fairly tales to help us cope***

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I'm christian. I have an atheist friend. We don't talk about religion because we get in a fight. However, while I'm saying grace over my food, she's almost done eating LOL. I accept she might be going to hell. She accepts I might be crazy. And we leave it at that.

Just because science cannot prove existence doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Science has lied many times before lets start with the earth being flat. Now the earth is round. What's next. Scientists have to research and discover the just like the did when the found out they were wrong about the earth being flat. Now they know its round but look how long it took.
I believe that by the time science discover that God is real, and many believers were right, so many people would have died and suffered. And their blood with be on science's hands.
And if I'm wrong and there is no God (in which I've experienced enough proof to know God is real) but for the sake of argument, if I was wrong, then what's the big deal? Why the big fight over the imagination?

However if you want proof that God exists, kill yourself. And there is your proof. That's the only other way to prove his existence to unbelievers when nothing else works. And when you find out He does, it will then be too late.

Atheism is just another religion but without God. What is religion? A set of beliefs be it supernatural or not. You "believe" there is no God. We "believe" there is. Fact.

As I said before, if I'm wrong, what's the big deal. God isn't out there killing babies and people...People are doing that on their own. People who don't even believe in God are killing people so what's their excuse? The devil. You can't believe in one and not the other.

God was, is, and forever will be.

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I don't understand why everyone takes these jokes so seriously.
In my opinion, both sides have had some really funny jokes. Their intention was to be humorous, not insulting.
I'm a christian but I have no problem with atheists or their beliefs because I would want them to treat me the same way.
I've seen a lot of comments about christians being intolerant but the same can be said about atheists. I have never forced someone else to accept my beliefs but I have been attacked and been called foolish by atheists.
It's really easy to blame the other side and justify your own actions but, for once, why cant everyone just come to a place like this and share their jokes without taking offense.

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All I know is this......no one has ever knocked on my door trying to convert me to atheism (I am an atheist by the way). Sadly, the reverse is not true. all this is, is a difference of opinion. Atheists have opinions based upon certain things. Christians have opinions based upon certain things. I think that science, reason and common sense are what give atheism substance. Do scientists know how everything started? No they don't. The big bang destroyed almost all of the evidence so using science and reason, they make the best decisions they can.

Anyway....what is the difference between Jesus and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

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what does god and your friends got in common? neither of them exist

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Hey whats even more funny than these jokes is that a lot of people actually believe in GOD!!! haha ignorance...

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An atheist is walking through the woods, enjoying the scenery when a bear ambles up behind him. The atheist begins to run, and the bear chases. The atheist is running at full speed but the bear is getting closer and closer. The atheist can feel the bear's hot breath on his neck when he trips over a root and falls, screaming out, "Oh my god !"

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The atheist looks up from the ground and says, "You're right, that's too hypocritical for me, but could you at least make the bear a Christian ?'

And god says, "That seems fair enough." So he claps his hands, disappears, and time unfreezes. The bear's outstretched claws pull back from the atheist's throat and he stands up straight and calm.

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