Note to my regular readers: OK, here’s the deal. I’m writing this post (which by the way has very few facts in it about Paris Hilton) as an experiment. I just want to see how many search engine hits I receive from people who have nothing better to do with their lives than look for “information” about — what’s her name again? — Paris Hilton.
Note to the inquiring minds who keyed the words “Paris” and “Hilton” into their search engines: Welcome. You’ve stumbled onto a blog written by an atheist. Please try to remember that the “e” comes before the “i.” An atheist is a person who doesn’t believe in any gods or supernatural beings, including Jesus Christ and Paris Hilton. Also, let me assure you that I will not steal into your house in the middle of the night and burn your bible. That kind of stuff is not an atheist’s specialty; you have to go to the fundamentalist Christians if you want your library set on fire.
Some famous celebrity atheists are: Lindsay Lohan, Rosie O’Donnell, Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, and the entire cast of Lost. Well, maybe I’m wrong. I don’t keep track of celebrities, and I sometimes get them mixed up with each other. I’m pretty sure I can tell the difference between Cameron Diaz and Kirk Cameron, but I never remember which of the Wilson boys is Luke and which is Owen. By the way, I think everyone I mentioned in that sentence is also an atheist, except maybe Cameron Diaz. But I can’t be certain. However, let me assure you that atheists do not keep secret lists of one another so we can raise vast amounts of money and/or mobilize millions of militant “soldiers” for our cause. Once again, you’d have to ask the fundamentalists to do that.
In any case, I don’t know whether Paris Hilton is an atheist or not, but somehow I doubt it. That’s because I suspect she doesn’t think about metaphysics much. People who really care about metaphysics—or any branch of philosophy, really — don’t tend to obsess over fancy clothes and expensive cosmetics. We’re interested in inner beauty, although not usually to the extent that we want to flash our organs publicly. At least, not most of us. Let me assure you that atheists will not threaten your family’s values by forcing you to look at our privates. That, too, is best left to fundamentalist Christians, and, of course, Catholic priests. And maybe Paris Hilton, too.
As long as you’ve found yourself at an atheist’s blog, why don’t you read one of the other posts I’ve written? You can find out what we atheists think about
- Abortion: Contrary to popular opinion, we do not urge everybody, regardless of gender, to get one just for the hell of it.
- Evolution: Despite what you’ve heard, we don’t festoon our walls with portraits of our ape grandparents.
- Gay Marriage: Nope, we do not encourage everyone to get hitched to a same-sex partner just to annoy the evangelicals.
- The Beginning of the Universe: Well, honestly? Not unlike Paris Hilton, we do go for the Big Bang.
So, to sum up: Paris Hilton may be an atheist, but I doubt it. Paris Hilton also may enjoy showing off her naughty bits. Both atheists and Paris Hilton like the Big Bang. And I have never mentioned Paris Hilton in this blog before.
You now know everything you need to about atheists. I understand, though, that you still may want to find even more details about Paris Hilton. So I'll thank you for reading this post about her, and say goodbye. At some later date, when you've learned every single fact you can about Paris Hilton, you might also enjoy searching for some of my other great entries: O.J. Simpson, O.J. Simpson, O.J. Simpson; Anna Nicole Smith, Anna Nicole Smith, Anna Nicole Smith; and, of course, James Dobson, James Dobson, James Dobson. That’s another group of celebrity atheists, I think. Of course, I’m not positive. I’d ask Paris Hilton, but what does she know?