So for those of you who are dying to know what my voice sounds like — and really, get a life! — there’s an opportunity for you to hear my words of wisdom dribbling out of my own mouth.
On Friday, August 3, Rich Orman of Dogma Free America will post his podcast interview with the Exterminator, which we recorded a few days ago.
I had, of course, planned to be witty and titillating, kind of a straight atheistic Oscar Wilde. I was wild all right, but the only Oscar I sounded like was the Grouch. Actually, the well-known personality I reminded myself of most was Ralph Kramden: a-hummina-hummina-hummina.
There’s a temptation to get preachy when you feel you have a captive audience. And believe me, I was imagining listeners figuratively chained to their seats, waiting eagerly for their audio to stream. So I did my tub-thumping best to get my points across. That’s what happens when you hand an amateur a soapbox. I was speaking my own words, but I was hearing William Jennings Bryan in the Chautauqua tent.
Which reminds me: Since I’ve recently put myself forward as an invisible-horse candidate for president, I’d better polish up my oratorical skills before I hit the campaign trail. As we all know from listening to our current commanderer-in-chief, the American public would never accept a leader who’s inarticulate.
At least I don’t think I ever said “it’s hard.” Our prez repeats that phrase so often, I think he must have issues about erectile dysfunction.
He also says “in other words” far more than most other speakers do. That’s because he can’t seem to find the right words the first time. In other words, he uses the wrong words a lot.
Anyway, Rich Orman struck me as a very nice guy, and he promised that I’d love the “edit.” I suppose I’d be happy if he inserts some phrases spoken by Richard Dawkins in that chittery Brit accent of his. But my guess is: unfortunately, it’ll just be me. With a tongue so tied no boy scout could unravel it.
In other words: a-hummina-hummina-hummina.