Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Five-Seven-Five

Friendly Atheist,
Running a haiku contest.
I thought I'd enter.

That's up my alley.
I knew I could create some,
Like god did with Earth.

Ten minutes it took,
Not six days. And I wonder:
Why'd god take so long.

Maybe he's lazy.
Maybe he was on something.
I mean: look around.

My haiku? Not great.
But nobody worships me
For making this junk.

Here are the haiku
I submitted to Hemant.
Hope you enjoy them.

Haiku 1
No god in the sky.
Shocking to some, but not me.
Why would I want one?

Haiku 2
He died for my sins?
Did I ask for that favor?
Keep it to yourself!

Haiku 3
Christians and Muslims,
Jews, and Hindus, and Buddhists:
All pains in the ass.

Haiku 4
Wanted: messiah.
Must be a Republican.
Apply to: Karl Rove.

Haiku 5
Creationism —
Fill their young heads with nonsense.
But claim it’s science.

Haiku 6
Faith for Obama
Clinton, Edwards, Richardson:
Democrats suck, too!

While I think of it.
Nonbelieving Litera-
Ti. (That's a mouthful).

Next book? The Sparrow.
Ordinary girl picked it.
Check out her post here.

Comments are welcome.
But please don’t write me haiku
Unless you can count.

It’s five-seven-five.
Those are the specs to follow.
If you can’t, write prose.

16 comments:

John Evo-Mid said...

I don't know Haiku, so I won't bother to try. But it LOOKS like you did good!

The Exterminator said...

John-Evo, you said:

I don't know haiku,
So I won't bother to try.
LOOKS like you did good!


There, but for the deletion of two unnecessary words, is exactly what you wrote. You chugged out a haiku without even realizing it. I guess when one grows old enough to attain wisdom, one just thinks in haiku automatically.

Sarge said...

Haiku...wasn't that the overthrow of the gov't of Nepal? Or was that a high coup?

Babs said...

Fabulous haiku.
Atheistic words from the
Exterminator.

Jesus Christ how I
detest all of this counting.
It makes my head ache.

Can I finish now?
Before something horrific
happens in my brain?

I don't think I can.
It's like some sick addiction.
Heroin haiku.

John Evo-Mid said...

"You chugged out a haiku without even realizing it. I guess when one grows old enough to attain wisdom, one just thinks in haiku automatically."

That's why I like you, Exterminator on net;
you see I'm wise, guy.

The Exterminator said...

Babs:
Haiku make you nuts?
At least they're not limericks.
Those drive me crazy.

A Nantucket man
With a penis enormous.
He'd suck it for fun.

John:
You give me straight lines?
I try to make funny jokes?
OK, I have one.

End of your haiku,
This is what you had written:
You see I'm wise, guy.

I'd say that ending
Was almost correct -- except
Leave out the comma.

Lynet said...

There's skill, there, in places
but I'm crazy about form
-- could be a mirage

Lynet said...

Six syllables, there.
Guess I'm not really cut out
for syllabic verse.

John Evo-Mid said...

"I'd say that ending
Was almost correct -- except
Leave out the comma."

In my new wisdom
As a author of comma
Left as enigma.

ordinarygirl said...

slow, slow is my work
makes my head nod off -- sleep, sleep
need warm bed and tea

a flu shot feels like
being mildly drunk; should I
call a cab tonight?

ordinarygirl said...

Golden Compass is
trying to kill God? well he'd
have to exist first

The Exterminator said...

Lynet:
Sometimes the finest
of mathematicians still
have trouble counting.

ordinary:
While you are ailing,
insist husband pamper you.
That's what my wife does.

But me, however,
when I'm sick I'd rather be
left the fuck alone.

John-Evo:
I am now calling
haiku moratorium
at No More Hornets!

PhillyChief said...

"I am now calling
haiku moratorium
at No More Hornets!"


Good thing since I can't take anymore of this crap in all these comments. I liked the original haikus. Is that the plural form Ex? I have no idea. Wait a minute now, look at what you've done to me. I'm stuck in haiku. I'll get you for this. What the hell is going on? Is it contagious? No-god damn it all! Oh Spartacus on a cross! Damn you to Texas!

John Evo-Mid said...

"ordinary:
While you are ailing,
insist husband pamper you.
That's what my wife does."

Your wife insists that OG's husband pamper her?

The Exterminator said...

John-Evo: Notice that there's no possessive pronoun in my original haiku. Just "husband" as a Platonic ideal. I suspect that neither you nor I can live up to it. Even Plato, I've heard, was occasionally disappointed in his real-life husband.

ordinarygirl said...

Pamper? What's this word you talk about?

Actually when I'm sick all I want to do is sleep.. and be cranky. My husband pampers me all the time, so being sick it's no different. :)