Polls That Make You Say "Pew"

You may not have read about all the following recent polls. Here's the way the yes answers were further classified.

Are you an atheist?

• Yes, I don’t believe in any gods (79% of atheists)
• Yes, but I believe in one or more gods (21% of atheists)

Do you accept the theory of evolution?

• Yes, I believe in natural selection without any supernatural “intelligence” involved (19%)
  
• Yes, but not without a god hypothesis (76%)
• Only until I get my Ph.D. so I can go to work for the Discovery Institute (5%)
  

Are you a vegetarian?

• Yes, I never eat meat of any kind (54%)
• Yes, but I have a steak sandwich twice a week (27%)
• Yes, unless my spouse makes that terrific meat loaf (11%)
• Yes, but only if you count veal, pork, beef, possum, and squirrel as vegetables (8%)
  

Are you pro-life?

• Yes, I don’t think we should kill any person, animal, or plant, including fetuses and seeds (1%)
• Yes, but I don’t mind pulling weeds (22%)
• Yes, but I believe in experimenting on animals to test cosmetics (13%)
• Yes, but I think it’s OK to bomb non-Americans (38%)
• Yes, but I’ve been known to snipe into crowds of infidels (10%)
• Yes, and I’d gladly kill anyone who isn’t (16%)

Would you vote for a woman for president?

• Yes, it’s about fucking time, regardless of her political views (Knee-jerk feminists)
• Yes, but only if she’s hot (Sports Illustrated readers)
• Yes, but only over my dead body (He-Man Woman Haters Club)
• Yes, but only if my wife insisted (Hen-pecked husbands)
• Yes, but only if her bowel movements are regular (Jamie Lee Curtis)

Would you vote for an atheist for president?

• Yes, but only if he or she weren’t some asshat neo-con (Chappy, Evo, Ex, OG, Philly, SI)
• Yes, but only if he or she were a person of faith (the Democratic Party)
• Yes, but only if he or she were one of the 21% who believe in God (Pew Forum staff)
• Yes, but only if he were a guy (He-Man Woman Haters Freethinking Club)

Are you a supporter of the U.S. Constitution?

• Yes, I think the Constitution is the Law of the Land (0.5%)
• Yes, but not the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment (Barack Obama)
• Yes, but not the Fourth Amendment (Barack Obama)
• Yes, but not the parts about how to run the government (Republicans)
• Yes, but only when I can tell you what it really means (The Supreme Court)

Have you read any books other than the Bible this year?

• Yes, I’ve read many books this year (3%)
• Yes, but only the ones advertised on TV (most Americans)
• Yes, but only if the BIBLE COUNTS!!!!!!! (Fundagelicals)
• Yes, if you include text messages ROFLMAO (Milliennials)
• Yes, I’ve straightened up hundreds of them on our shelves (Barnes & Noble employees)

Do you vote? If so, which is more important to you: Who wins American Idol or who wins the U.S. Presidential Election?

• American Idol (Your neighbor)
• U.S. Presidential Election (the Founding Fathers)
• They’re equally important (John McCain)
• Neither is important (Oil companies)

Have you ever lied to a pollster?

• Yes, but not to you (43%)
• Yes, but only to you (56%)
• Yes, I can’t stand people from Poland (George W. Bush)

The Course of Human Events: A Quiz

What better way to celebrate Independence Day — OK, this is a few hours early, so sue me — than by taking a quiz? Forget the fireworks and the patriotic band concert, put down that hot dog and bottle of tasteless American beer, turn off your Mel Gibson double-feature (The Patriot and The Passion of the Christ), and don your thinking caps. (Note: Yarmulkes and bishops' mitres don't count.)

If you believe that America is a Christian nation, you might not do very well on this little test. All others ought to get most, if not all, of the questions correct. You earn no extra points for wearing a flag lapel pin, so don't feel obliged. I haven't provided the answers, but will do so if commenters need them.


1. Which of these terms for a deity did Jefferson not use in the Declaration of Independence?

A. Divine Providence
B. Jesus Christ
C. Nature's God
D. Creator


2. Before the Declaration was edited by the Continental Congress, Jefferson wrote scathingly of the King who had

waged cruel war against human nature itself, violating its most sacred rights of life and liberty in the persons of a distant people who never offended him, captivating and carrying them into slavery in another hemisphere, or to incur miserable death in their transportation thereto.

Which entirely capitalized adjective did Jefferson use negatively to describe this King?

A. HEATHEN
B. INFIDEL
C. GODLESS
D. CHRISTIAN


3. In the Declaration of Independence, how many times are the Ten Commandments referred to as a source of Law?

A. none
B. one
C. four
D. ten


4. According to the Declaration, governments draw their powers from the __

A. "Bible"
B. "Word of the Lord"
C. "Consent of the Governed"
D. "Religious Heritage so Beloved of all True Christian Men"


5. Fill in the blank:

[We] … solemnly Publish and Declare, That these United Colonies are, _______ FREE AND INDEPENDENT STATES …

A. by the Grace of Him Who Died for Our Sins,
B. by the Blessings Bestowed unto Us by the Author of the Universe,
C. and of Right ought to be,
D. in Accordance with the Wishes of our Heavenly, not Earthly, King


6. Which of the following was a self-evident Truth to the signers of the Declaration?

A. Abortion is Murder
B. All Men are created equal
C. Homosexuality causes Hurricanes
D. Scientists hate American Values


7. One of the colonists' grievances against the King of Great Britain was that

A. he prevented immigrants from coming to the colonies.
B. he refused to provide funds for religious charities.
C. he allowed doctors to perform abortions.
D. he approved of homosexuals marrying one another.


8. Which of the following grievances against King George, equally applicable to George W. Bush, is NOT mentioned in the Declaration of Independence?

A. He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitutions and unacknowledged by our laws.
B. He has refused his assent to laws the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
C. He has erected a multitude of new offices and sent hither swarms of new officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
D. He has held persons captive without charging them with crimes and empowered his representatives to commit the most egregious acts of torture upon them.


9. How many of the 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence were, in 1776, active clergymen?

A. none
B. one
C. two
D. three


10. Thomas Jefferson, main author of the Declaration of Independence, wrote all of the following quotes EXCEPT:

A. Reason and free inquiry are the only effectual agents against error.
B. The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Miverva in the brain of Jupiter.
C. I believe in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and hope to God Almighty that our country be recognized as a Christian nation.
D. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.


Bonus Question:
Of the following people, who is LEAST likely to understand the religious ideas that led to the Declaration of Independence?

A. a historian recognized among her peers as one of the foremost experts on the American Revolution
B. a scholar who has made an extensive study of Enlightenment philosophy and how it influenced America's founders
C. an academically well-respected authority on eighteenth-century deists' attitudes about the role of religion in government
D. televangelist and Christian shill Pat Robertson


Now that you've answered the questions, you might want to take a few minutes and actually read or reread The Declaration of Independence. (My British friends are invited to do so, as well. No hard feelings, eh?)

Second Annual Presidents Day Quiz

Last year for Presidents Day (please note once again that there is no apostrophe anywhere in the holiday’s name), I presented a little multiple-choice quiz on our presidents and their ideas about religion.

This year, given the theocratic claptrap being spouted by all candidates of both parties, such a quiz is even more desperately needed. You can find the answers by looking at the first comment to this post.

1. Who said:

I am tolerant of all creeds. Yet if any sect suffered itself to be used for political objects I would meet it by political opposition. In my view church and state should be separate, not only in form, but fact. Religion and politics should not be mingled.

A. John Quincy Adams

B. Millard Fillmore

C. Franklin Pierce

D. Martin Van Buren

2. Which two presidents might have had this debate about morality:

The truth is, politics and morality are inseparable. And as morality's foundation is religion, religion and politics are necessarily related. We need religion as a guide. We need it because we are imperfect.

Twenty times in the course of my late reading, I have been upon the point of breaking out: This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it!

A. George H. W. Bush and James Madison

B. Herbert Hoover and Thomas Jefferson

C. Ronald Reagan and John Adams

D. Lyndon B. Johnson and Abraham Lincoln

3. Which little-known president is responsible for the following amazing quote?

The United States has adventured upon a great and noble experiment, which is believed to have been hazarded in the absence of all previous precedent — that of total separation of Church and State. No religious establishment by law exists among us. The conscience is left free from all restraint and each is permitted to worship his Maker after his own judgment. The offices of the Government are open alike to all. No tithes are levied to support an established Hierarchy, nor is the fallible judgment of man set up as the sure and infallible creed of faith. The Mohammedan, if he will to come among us would have the privilege guaranteed to him by the Constitution to worship according to the Koran; and the East Indian might erect a shrine to Brahma if it so pleased him. Such is the spirit of toleration inculcated by our political institutions… The Hebrew persecuted and down trodden in other regions takes up his abode among us with none to make him afraid… and the Aegis of the government is over him to defend and protect him. Such is the great experiment which we have tried, and such are the happy fruits which have resulted from it; our system of free government would be imperfect without it.

A. John Tyler

B. Chester Alan Arthur

C. James K. Polk

D. Benjamin Harrison

4. Which two presidents of two different parties could have agreed on these ideas?

No matter what other personal desires or crises we have faced, I've never forgotten that this is the time to celebrate the birth of the Baby Jesus, and the impact of this event on the history of the world.

It is only when men begin to worship that they begin to grow.

A. George W. Bush and Bill Clinton

B. Warren G. Harding and Woodrow Wilson

C. Franklin D. Roosevelt and Herbert Hoover

D. Jimmy Carter and Calvin Coolidge

5. Who said:

Next in importance to freedom and justice is popular education, without which neither justice nor freedom can be permanently maintained. Its interests are intrusted to the States and the voluntary action of the people. Whatever help the nation can justly afford should be generously given to aid the States in supporting common schools; but it would be unjust to our people and dangerous to our institutions to apply any portion of the revenues of the nation or of the States to the support of sectarian schools. The separation of Church and State in everything relating to taxation should be absolute.

A. Andrew Johnson

B. Rutherford B. Hayes

C. William McKinley

D. James A. Garfield

6. Which two presidents could have had this discussion about education?

I believe God did create the world. And I think we're finding out more and more and more as to how it actually happened.

There is no need to teach that stars can fall out of the sky and land on a flat Earth in order to defend our religious faith.

A. Richard Nixon and Lyndon B. Johnson

B. John F. Kennedy and Harry Truman

C. George W. Bush and Jimmy Carter

D. Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan

7. Which two presidents had the following different ideas about religious sensitivity?

The Jews, I find are very, very selfish. They care not how many Estonians, Latvians, Finns, Poles, Yugoslavs or Greeks get murdered or mistreated as D[isplaced] P[ersons] as long as the Jews get special treatment. Yet when they have power, physical, financial, or political, neither Hitler nor Stalin has anything on them for cruelty or mistreatment to the underdog.

If they are good workmen, they may be of Asia, Africa, or Europe. They may be Mohometans, Jews or Christians of any Sect, or they may be Atheists.

A. Harry Truman and George Washington

B. Franklin D. Roosevelt and James Monroe

C. Dwight D. Eisenhower and Grover Cleveland

D. Richard M. Nixon and Theodore Roosevelt

8. These two presidents would be horrified at all the faith talk in this year’s political arena. Who are they?

Voters ... make up their minds for many diverse reasons, good and bad. To submit the candidates to a religious test is unfair enough — to apply it to the voters is divisive, degrading and wholly unwarranted.

If there is one thing for which we stand in this country, it is for complete religious freedom, and it is an emphatic negation of this right to cross-examine a man on his religion before being willing to support him for office.

A. William Howard Taft and William McKinley

B. John F. Kennedy and Theodore Roosevelt

C. Herbert Hoover and Harry Truman

D. Ulysses S. Grant and Abraham Lincoln

9. The country lucked out when neither of these two religious nuts were elected. What two losing candidates said:

If we have to give up either religion or education, we should give up education.

I believe that the purpose of life is to glorify God.

A. Charles Evans Hughes and Alfred E. Smith

B. Alf Landon and Barry Goldwater

C. William Jennings Bryan and Al Gore

D. Bob Dole and George McGovern

10. Who said:

We have the most religious freedom of any country in the world, including the freedom not to believe.

A. Richard M. Nixon

B. Lyndon B. Johnson

C. George W. Bush

D. Bill Clinton

For these and many other great quotes, I highly recommend that you read 2000 Years of Disbelief by James A. Haught and The Quotable Atheist by Jack Huberman — or simply visit Positive Atheism.

Thoughtful and Educated: Too Much to Ask?

I am so sick of presidential candidates being asked questions about their faith. Just today, for example, there’s a piece on CR online [Note: that's Church Report], listing the contenders’ answers to a series of AP queries about “what their religion is, whether there is a particular church that they are a member of, and how often they attend services.” Only Dennis Kucinich had the courage to say that he attends services “not often.”

This evening, a so-called “Progressive Christian” organization named “Sojourners/Call to Renewal” sponsored a forum featuring Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John Edwards. While the group's commendable mission is to fight for the poor, its message is, of course, all bollixed up with religion. Thus, the candidates were asked to speak about “faith, moral values, and poverty.” I haven't yet seen a transcript or video, but I'm assuming that some supernatural being was favorably mentioned.

Just once, I would like to see the aspirants to the White House asked questions about values I care about: their views on learning and human achievement. We’ve been through six and a half years of carefully crafted ignorance at the highest levels, and it’s time for a change. So saying, here are my suggestions for questions to be used in a debate on the intellect. Note that these questions are meant to reveal attitudes, rather than specific knowledge.

about Science

• In what ways would you like science to change the world during your presidency?
• What do you think are the five most important scientific or mathematical advances in history? Explain your answer.
• Do you feel that you know enough actual science to make informed decisions about scientific matters? If so, describe your qualifications. If not, whom would you appoint as your science advisers, and why?
• Do you think scientific information should be subject to opinion polls? Why or why not?
• What was the last science book you read? What did you learn from it?

about History

• What five historical events do you think offer the best lessons for Americans today? Explain.
• What non-American and non-biblical historical figure would you most wish to meet? Why? What questions would you want to ask him or her?
• If someone were to claim that a nation was founded based on a specific religion, how might you go about determining whether or not that’s true?
• If you had to choose another historical period to live in, which period would you pick, and why?
• What was the last non-political history book you read? What did you learn from it?

about the Arts

• Do you think that studying the works of great artists, musicians, and writers gives people insight into their own lives? Cite examples to support your opinion.
• Which five works of literature have most molded you into the person you are today? How?
• What five famous paintings or sculptures — works that you’ve actually seen in a museum — have impressed you the most? What was impressive about them?
• Name five pieces of music that are neither country, nor rock, nor patriotic songs, nor hymns that arouse feelings in you? What feelings?
• What great author, musician, or artist could you not live without? If you were forced to do so, what would be missing from your life?

The above questions are all pretty generic. They could be answered truthfully, for better or worse, by any thoughtful, educated person. Faith questions, on the other hand, can be answered truthfully only by those who espouse unreason.

OK, the Joke's on Me

Um, well, er ... my last post was intended as a sarcastic commentary. Apparently, my attempt at humor fell flat. I know this because I received perplexed comments from at least two bloggers whose intelligence and insight I respect.

So now, if you’ll forgive me for my lame joke, I’ll spell out what I was trying to say.

Tons of atheist bloggers — from the least noticed of us, all the way up to the most heavily trafficked — have seen fit to post the results of a ridiculous test called “What Kind of Atheist Are You?” The questionnaire was obviously skewed, since everyone’s highest-ranking category seems to have been “Scientific Atheist,” and many of us scored at least some percentage as “Theist.” I assume that the test’s creator had an educational/philosophical point to make, and, frankly, I’m not sure that I disapprove.

The danger with this kind of parlor game, though, is that we’re surrounded on all sides by godpushers. In today’s worldwide political climate, what with the global Christian crusade and Muslim jihad, as well as more localized skirmishes fomented by witch-doctors all over the earth, it doesn’t really matter what kind of an atheist you are. Maybe in a hundred years from now, or a thousand, we’ll have the leisure to compare and contrast each person’s specific approach to freethought. But for now, I stand by the following comment, which I left on Larry Moran’s Sandwalk.

As Gertrude Stein might have said: atheist is an atheist is an atheist. Either you believe in god or you don't; if you don't, you're an atheist. To try to draw a distinction between atheistic agnostics, agnostic atheists, nonbelieving atheists, unbelieving atheists, and disbelieving atheists is ridiculous. That's why all the other labels besides "atheist" are hogwash. Let's leave that kind of pointless categorization to the religionists.

Is that simplistic? You bet! But is it practical, given the very real threats we face to learning, to liberty, and, in some places, even to our lives? I think so. I’m not suggesting that we all organize immediately and walk in lockstep. Each of us has a unique worldview. I, for one, have always refused to march to the sound of any drum, different or not. All I’m saying is that endless discussion about labels doesn’t get the theocrats out of our governments or our classrooms. It merely throws us into the same kind of we-and-them mentality that the holy hooligans love so much.

So here’s what I did. I answered exactly the same questions as everyone else. But, as folks in the Bush administration might say, I was not completely candid about my results. I added a few lines of extra HTML at the top of my report. That’s how I wound up as a 100% “Atheistic Atheist.” I thought that redundant label was hilarious, and would be obvious as something I invented. Apparently, it wasn't. But I’d still like to think that most of us in this small circle of blog-hell basically belong in that category.

What Kind of Atheist Am I?

Atheists all over the blogosphere have been posting the results of this test. I'm surprised that I'm the only one who scored so high in the first category.

You scored as Atheistic Atheist. These guys do not believe in any gods. The other categories are silly. Atheistic Atheist 100% Scientific Atheist 92% Militant Atheist 75% Angry Atheist 58% Agnostic 50% Apathetic Atheist 42% Spiritual Atheist 33% Theist 8% What kind of atheist are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Don't Expect These on Meet the Press

The media have obviously been scrambling to come up with interesting new interview questions for the various presidential contenders. In the spirit of helpfulness, I’d like to suggest the following:

• The First Amendment forbids the establishment of religion. So how come Congress gets an Easter break?
• The framers of the Constitution omitted any reference to a supreme being in the document they so carefully crafted. How do the sentiments of those founders justify keeping the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance?
• How do Jewish and Christian lawmakers reconcile the concept of “eminent domain” with the 10th Commandment, “Thou shalt not covet ... anything that is thy neighbor’s”?
• A person who believes that the United States is a Christian nation must believe, therefore, that our Constitution is a Christian document. Article VI contains the words “... no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.” If this is a true Christian sentiment, aren't Christian voters being unChristian to insist that public servants conform to litmus tests on their religious views?
• Some politicians assert that their religion is a private matter. So why do they hold a photo op every time they go to church?
• The First Amendment says, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion ....” Using a "strict constructionist" analysis of the Constitution, can you explain how the original 18th-century intent of the phrase "make no law" has been interpreted to mean "allow some laws"?
• A person who went to a fundamentalist Baptist law school presumably claims to follow the Ten Commandments. These include a taboo against bearing false witness. So how can such a person — like Monica Goodling, for example — refuse to answer questions under subpoena because she’s afraid she’ll incriminate herself by lying?
• Article II of the Constitution requires a president to “swear (or affirm)” that he “will faithfully execute the office of the president of the United States.” Would the founders have included the “affirm” option if they expected all future presidents to be practicing mainstream Christians?
• Imagine a president who advertises that he regularly seeks advice from god about leading the country. Is it possible for such a man to claim honestly that he, as the chief executive of the government, is upholding a Constitution that prohibits the establishment of religion?
• If people need to have “in God we trust” printed on their money, what do they need that money for?

And the Survey Says ...

Some atheist bloggers have gotten themselves into an uproar about the scary poll at left.

The American public does, indeed, seem to think in stereotypes, so the results of the survey must tell us something. But what?

If you'll notice, each row fails to add up to 100%. That's probably because the question, as phrased, is way too simplistic. Perhaps the unaccounted-for respondents said, "Well, that depends."

So with the fence-straddlers in mind, I've created the following questionnaire:


If you were asked to choose between the following pair of hypothetical candidates, for which one would you be more likely to vote?

A lying Christian OR a truthful atheist?

A homosexual black woman who strongly opposes gay marriage OR a straight white man who strongly favors it?

A thrice-divorced candidate who claims he believes in the sanctity of marriage OR a candidate who has been happily wed for many years to his one-and-only wife, but who doesn't believe that the institution of marriage is sacred?

A 40-year-old Wiccan who supports the U.S. troop surge OR an 80-year-old Scientologist who wants to bring the troops home now?

A libertarian freethinker who doesn’t believe that the Establishment Clause precludes government vouchers for use in parochial schools OR a liberal Catholic who does believe that the Establishment Clause precludes government vouchers for use in parochial schools, but wants them anyway.

A Jew who panders to evangelical Christians OR an evangelical Christian who panders to Jews?

A Lutheran who prefers a 6-pack of Pepsi bagged in paper OR a Methodist who prefers a 12-pack of Coke bagged in plastic?

A hermaphrodite OR a candidate with no sexual organs?

A Nail Fungus who sells anti-infection tablets OR a Gob of Mucus who sells decongestants?

A Gallup poll-taker OR a reader of yak entrails?

Presidents Day Quiz

Since Monday is Presidents Day (please note that there is no apostrophe anywhere in the holiday’s name), here’s a little quiz on prezzes and their ideas about religion. You can find the answers by looking at the first comment to this post.

1. Who said:

I do not believe in the divinity of Christ, and there are many other of the postulates of the orthodox creed to which I cannot subscribe.

A. Grover Cleveland

B. Franklin Pierce

C. William Howard Taft

D. Rutherford B. Hayes

2. Which two presidents are quoted here?

[O]f course like every other man of intelligence and education I do believe in organic evolution. It surprises me that at this late date such questions should be raised.

Well, it’s a theory, it is a scientific theory only, and it has in recent years been challenged in the world of science and is not yet believed in the scientific community to be as infallible as it once was believed. But if it was going to be taught in the schools, then I think that also the biblical theory of creation, which is not a theory, but the biblical story of creation, should also be taught.

A. Franklin D. Roosevelt and George W. Bush

B. Woodrow Wilson and Ronald Reagan

C. John F. Kennedy and George H. W. Bush

D. Richard Nixon and Jimmy Carter

3. George W. Bush said:

I, in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state.

Two of our previous leaders, however, knew the difference between a bridge and a wall. Which presidents said:

Leave the matter of religion to the family altar, the church and the private school supported entirely by private contributions. Keep the church and state forever separate.

Whatever one's religion in his private life may be, for the officeholder, nothing takes precedence over his oath to uphold the Constitution and all its parts -- including the First Amendment and the strict separation of church and state.

A. Ulysses S. Grant and John F. Kennedy

B. William McKinley and Bill Clinton

C. Theodore Roosevelt and Franklin D. Roosevelt

D. James Garfield and Calvin Coolidge

4. Which presidents could have had the following debate?

We should live our lives as though Christ were coming this afternoon.

The Christian god is a three-headed monster; cruel, vengeful, and capricious ... One only needs to look at the caliber of people who say they serve him. They are always of two classes: fools and hypocrites.

A. George W. Bush and James Madison

B. Jimmy Carter and Thomas Jefferson

C. George H. W. Bush and Abraham Lincoln

D. Ronald Reagan and John Adams

5. Who said:

I have seldom met an intelligent person whose views were not narrowed and distorted by religion.

A. James Buchanan

B. Franklin Pierce

C. Herbert Hoover

D. Martin Van Buren

6. Thomas Paine’s Common Sense and The American Crisis were arguably the most important writings of the Revolutionary War period. Yet, two presidents disagreed about his heritage. Which presidents said:

[He] needs no monument made with hands; he has erected a monument in the hearts of all lovers of liberty.

... that filthy little atheist

A. Thomas Jefferson and Richard Nixon

B. James Monroe and Ronald Reagan

C. James Madison and Harry Truman

D. Andrew Jackson and Theodore Roosevelt

7. What president said the following, and what was the occasion?

In this way we are reaffirming the transcendence of religious faith in America's heritage and future.

A. George W. Bush on the funding of faith-based initiatives

B. Abraham Lincoln on the words “In God We Trust” being engraved on coins

C. James K. Polk on the spread of Protestantism as a result of our “manifest destiny”

D. Dwight D. Eisenhower on “Under God” being added to the Pledge of Allegiance

8. Who said:

I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.

A. George W. Bush

B. Franklin D. Roosevelt

C. George H. W. Bush

D. Theodore Roosevelt

9. Which president wrote:

My earlier views of the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures have become clearer and stronger with advancing years, and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them.

A. Abraham Lincoln

B. George Washington

C. Thomas Jefferson

D. Ulysses S. Grant

10. Which president's attitude about religion is expressed by:

Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise, every expanded prospect.

A. John Quincy Adams

B. James Monroe

C. Warren G. Harding

D. James Madison

For these and many other great quotes, I highly recommend that you read 2000 Years of Disbelief by James A. Haught and The Quotable Atheist by Jack Huberman — or simply visit Positive Atheism.

Brainwashed in the Blood of the Lamb

The Friendly Atheist has improved a chart from Newhouse News Service, showing the religious affiliations of the members of Congress. The list includes Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, and Unaffiliateds, but it’s mostly made up—as you probably guessed—of followers separating themselves into umpteen Christian sects. I’ll wait here while you look over the FA's great work.

The question is: what criteria have our elected representatives used to choose their particular religious paths? The answer in most cases, I suspect, is the accident of birth.

But Richard Dawkins, the current darling of atheists, delights in pointing out that there’s clearly no such thing as a Christian child, or a Jewish child, or a Muslim child, etc.. Children are not competent to profess belief in a worldview that favors any particular system of religiosity. Hence, there are only children of Christian parents, Jewish parents, Muslim parents, and parents indoctrinating their offspring into any of the other myriad superstitions now plaguing the Earth.

In other words, chances are good that most of our congresspriests learned what their religious affiliations were well before they had the intellectual wherewithal—and, let’s face it, many of them will never have it—to think about their chosen beliefs. They were brainwashed, conditioned to salivate at the mere mention of certain magic words like “Jesus,” “Adonai,” or “Allah;” as adults, they continue to drool. Unfortunately, their slobber permeates the pages of the country’s law books.

It might be instructive—or at least fun—if someone could get our politicians to take a few minutes off from their pious dribbling to answer the following brief questionnaire:
1. What would you say is the central “message” that defines your specific religious sect?
2. Would you articulate two or three differences between your selected religion and some of the others listed on the chart?
3. What advantages do you think your colleagues reap by practicing their religions instead of yours?
4. Still, why do you think your religion is the best?
5. If you don’t think it’s the best, why don’t you convert?
6. If you don’t think it would make any difference whether you converted or not, why do you bother to list a religious affiliation at all?
7. Where do you find evidence in the Constitution that the government should prefer your particular sect to any of the others, or to none?

That last question is a ringer: it can’t be answered by any words other than “nowhere.”

My proposal: Only those elected officials who could respond spontaneously and publicly to the questionnaire, without prompting or preparation, should ever be allowed to mention religion, directly or circuitously, in Congress again.

The result would be far from perfect, but it might get some of the holy mouth-water off those law pages.

For School Board Candidates: Will This Be on the Test?

While we’re all focused on this year’s Congressional elections, let’s not forget that other positions—equally important—are up for grabs. Men and women all over the country are vying to become members of school boards. Whichever political team they’re on, though, their campaign literature is usually filled with nothing but safe blather. They want a superior education for our young people. Better pay and more respect for teachers. Improved testing that yields usable benchmarks. Comfortable and effective facilities. Adequate, modern supplies. Blah, blah, blah. The candidates may change a few words in the formula, but they’ll cover these points over and over and over, as if someone else running might be suggesting otherwise.

However, there are some really pressing questions that most candidates avoid. For one thing, there’s the critical issue of whether or not the game of tag should be allowed during recess. According to the media, the future of Western Civilization may hang on the answer to that one.

While the candidates scramble not to be "it," here are some other questions we ought to chase them with:

1. Do you support using the Bible as a science text? Which sciences would you use it for? Give examples of as many scientific breakthroughs as you can think of that were brought about through a close reading of the Old or New Testament.

2. Could a high school student’s future be endangered by reading a thought-provoking book that contains a few dirty words? If so, how? Including only those books that you have read yourself and been damaged by, list any books you would ban from the school library. For each book listed, explain specifically the kind of harm it caused you. Feel free to use any words that help you express yourself.

3. Can you reconcile the words “... under god ...” in the pledge of allegiance with the beliefs of every single child in every single classroom in your school district? Do you know the beliefs of every single child in every single classroom in your school district? List each child by full name, and describe in detail his or her beliefs. What evidence can you present to the children that god is interested in liberty and justice for all?

4. Do you think that people elected to ensure a quality public education should advocate giving tax-payer dollars to private religious schools? Really? Without quoting any Supreme Court justices, Republican politicians, or religious leaders, explain how you square your view with (a) the First Amendment and (b) the meanings of “public” and “private.”

5. In your opinion, which is more important in a child’s education: thinking or praying? As a school board member, which would you do more often?