Sunday, March 04, 2007

If I Only Had a God

(to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain")
(For your singalong pleasure, download the midi file.)

I could while away the day in
A fit of fancy prayin’,
And never think it’s odd.
I’d condemn Richard Dawkins
And his atheistic squawkin’s
If I only had a god.

I could be like all the fundies,
My head inside my undies:
No brain, but what a wad!
My ideas no cigar win,
But I’d have no need for Darwin
If I only had a god.

J.C., be good to me,
And clean out from my head
All the science and the history I’ve read.
Then make your face appear on bread.

In a public school position,
I'd foster superstition,
Ignoring what is mod,
Teach the Bible as true, no
Problem with Amendment Uno
If I only had a god.


Adam said...

Ooh, this is just splendid! Puerile garbage to be answered on it's own level! *ahem*

(No tune, but limerick-like cadence. AAB-CCB rhyme scheme)

If I Didn't Have A God

Oh well maybe I'd sit around each day
And while [sic] the sweet sweet hours away
Thinking thoughts smug and cynical

And laughing all the while to myself
Thinking science'd relegated God to yon dusty shelf
Forgetting Francis Collins 'xists at all!

Oh and then I'd open my 'riginal copy
Of 'Descent of Man,' its writing sloppy
And wonder how the fundies get along.

But lo! My heart is rent in shining moment
A grateful feeling begins to foment
Deep within my heart begins a song.

What is this? A grateful feeling?
To Whom I ask? Then a desire for kneeling,
But quickly I brush away the urge to pray.

For atheism isn't safe in this blessed world,
Nor can science be a battle flag unfurled
Against the religion of any day.

And now, my friend, my poem I close,
The hour is late, I must repose
But 'fore I do, for your soul, shall I pray.

For each day passes, and I grow fonder
Of your atheistic blogging, yonder
In this tiny corner of the internet...

(so I couldn't make the last line rhyme... so sue me)

I look forward to your response.

The Exterminator said...

All those verses writ by Adam,
I never would have had 'em.
He'd see no need to prod.
Christian smugness would please us.
We'd write doggerel for Jesus.
If I only had a god.

Adam said...

Doggerel for Jesus, friend,
Is still much better, in the end
Than Miltonic verse writ for George H. Smith.

For atheism's intellect's end
All reason, turn'd to mere meaningless trend
I wouldn't waste my time on such a myth.

For we are all God's property
Is it our happiness otherwise to see?

Miss Mickey said...

*wildly enthusiastic applause*


"then make your face appear on bread" is about the funniest thing I've read all week.

Tom Foss said...

Exterminator, that is awesome.

tina said...