Thursday, March 15, 2007

More Villainy Claimed by Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

Well, it's time to give Christians a short vacation, and focus on the misdeeds of a Muslim acting in the name of Allah.

The New York Times today reported that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, one of the chief aides to Osama bin Laden, is said to have confessed to 31 terrorist attacks or attempts. The admissions of guilt were made at a hearing before a U.S. military tribunal in Guantanamo on Saturday. According to Mohammed, these confessions were not a result of "pressure or duress." The Times lists 23 specific acts for which Mohammed claimed responsibility.

That roster, although impressive, is obviously incomplete. Here are some other heinous acts to which Mohammed confessed while not under torture:

  • killing JonBenet Ramsey
  • murdering Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman
  • shooting JFK
  • kidnapping the Lindbergh baby
  • causing Hurricane Katrina
  • firing federal attorneys
  • outing Valerie Plame
  • voting to stop the 2000 Florida recount
  • burying Jimmy Hoffa's body under an oil rig in Saudi Arabia
  • fixing the 1919 World Series
  • encouraging CBS executives to hire Katie Couric
  • splitting up the Beatles
  • popularizing Merlot
  • teaching President Bush how to pronounce nucular
Regardless of the truth or falsity of any of these claims, it's clear that Mohammed is definitely a bad guy. Now, you might think that a high-ranking Al Qaeda mastermind like him has no connection to the type of Christian Evangelicals normally criticized in these posts. But you would be wrong. Because lo and behold, according to numerous Internet sources, the villainous Khalid is said to have attented Chowan College for a short time beginning in 1983. Chowan (now referred to as a university) is a small Baptist school that has been located in Murfreesboro, North Carolina since 1848. On its Web site's overview page can be found this inspiring paragraph:
Faith is a word that you will hear frequently in our classrooms, in our dining halls, and on the athletic fields.
Although Chowan's page doesn't mention it, faith is a word also heard frequently during Muslim terrorist training operations.