Wednesday, July 25, 2007


I believe I’ve invented a new art form: googl-oetry. Here's how you can be a big-time googl-oet, too. Simply use one of your traffic-trackers to find the phrases that people keyed into Google to arrive at your blog. (Purists like me will insist that your site show up within the first ten search returns, but that’s not absolutely necessary.) Then, use those phrases to create a verse that's both beautiful and profound — although perhaps unintelligible.

Anyway, here’s my untitled googl-oem. Each line of my work contains one searched-for phrase. I've added some end-of-line punctuation, but nothing else.

mother father please explain something to me
(it ain’t so good, the book):
how hornets give birth;
fart sounds and what they mean;
similar quotes between George W. Bush and Woodrow Wilson;
how to get a good bong hit;
directions for putting toilet paper on the roller.

tell me more about the devil, who is he?
catholic ron paul?
polish guy and catholic in a boat joke?
phone numbers to recorded preachers?
bitch phone number?
pastor melissa scott sex life?

you must remember this:
I’ve just seen your face,
Hilton on my tits —
fuck me, uncle.
pac man oh shit belt buckle!
musical: "thank you very much, that's the nicest thing that anyone's ..."

why do you want to control the humans, please explain.
my lever door is locked and I can’t open it from the outside.
my life might pass me by.

the balls in your court julie andrews!

Go ahead and try it. Feel free to leave your Googl-oems as comments, or link to them if you publish them on your own blog.


Reason's Whore said...

That was hilarious. I'm always astonished at the searches that lead people to my blog. Often dismayed, as well.

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious (although if you submitted it to a poetry competition as "postmodern", it would probably win). I'm incredibly jealous, apart from the odd gem (then a miracle happens filetype:gif) the terms people use to find my site are really boring, and my regular readers could probably guess straight away which article was called up.

I look forward to seeing some other people's google-oems though.

Cragar said...

ok I made one. I guess you can't href here so the link is:

The Exterminator said...

Cragar, your googl-oem is great. It sounds like a poet's retelling of a hard-boiled detective novel.

The rest of you should go check it out.

Anonymous said...

I like it. Made me throw in my 2 cents.

Babs Gladhand said...

This is brilliant! Just think...with my blog, I'll have a poem all about peckers.

Oh! The joy of it all.

The Exterminator said...

I enjoyed your 2 cents, and think it's worth at least a dime. I urge my readers to click on John's link.

I can imagine your poem now: Ode on a Grecian Pecker. Leave a link here when you write it.

Rikertron said...

Here is my humble contribution:

These are taken in the order they appeared, some punctuation added... no other changes.

Verse Justice

There are one hundred students who open lockers,
Perfect squares... odd number of factors.
Technology and prose:
Perfect square, odd number of factors.


Huntington harbour boat-parade 2007,
Insomnia film post production?

Debate formats: rebuttal and re-rebuttal;
The only real justice is the justice you take.

Novels which incorporate back story...
Average bed time of a highschooler...
Remaining humble when becoming education.

Why do perfect squares have an odd number of factors?

Ear tampons.

24 hour insomniac film contest;
Exploding crap,
Shit, jury summons,
Gas leak! Front yard!!

Another word for prose?
Black prose?
Supernatural justice?

Justice pro-se.

It's friday... say a prayer to freyja.

...prayer to freyja.
...prayer to freyja.
...prayer to freyja.


- kevin savino-riker

The last search keyword in my log was actually my name, which was a convenient coincidence that made it look like the author wrote his name at the end of the poem.

Rikertron said...

By the way, at the suggestion of one of my commentors, I'm going to try to turn this into an internet meme.

jamon said...

By way of homage I wrote my own google-oem - "Bollocks, God's smoking again.".

Anonymous said...

This is great! I think you've just started a soon-to-be blogosphere wide phenomenon.I just wrote my own two samples. They're pretty short but I like them.

safemeds said...

I enjoyed following the whole entry, I always thought one of the main things to count when you write a blog is learning how to complement the ideas with images, that's exploiting at the maximum the possibilities of a ciber-space! Good work on this entry!