Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Dear Athiest: Fan Mail from Trinity

If you've been following the great debates at JP's place (and if you haven't been, you probably ought to at least take a peek), you may have already met the person who sent me the following email earlier today.

Dear athiest, (on jps’ blog i called you the owel guy because i had trouble writing extremnater. sorry, i will write that if you want. but do you mind if i just call you the?. So hear goes.) Dear the,

thank you for agreing with me about iggy being a liar. so i decide to go and look at your blog. maybe im not as smart as some poeple but i dont understand a lot there. first you ask “Are you better off then you were 200 years ago?”. im sorry but that doesnt make any sence to me because we were all still dead 200 years ago.

then you said you were runing for presedant but i dont beleive you. you are not on tv. sorry if you are but i dont think you are because i watch a lot of different chanels and i never see you. sometimes i dont watch sprots or cooking shows (i hate cooking shows because why do we need them when their are good rest’o’rants???). so if you are running on tv, please tell me what chanel (even if its sprots or coking) and what time because i would like to see you. i dout that you really look like an owel. (that is a joke so dont be angry. i dont always tell them as good as the 3 stogges.) but if you are running you shoud definatly try to be on tv more. i dont think any presidant was ever illected who wasnt on tv at least on jay lenno or opra or ellin. i woud pick ellin because she is funny and dances and jay lenno and opra are not funny and dances.

if you are not runing for presedant why would you say you are runing for presedant and not? is this a good joke for athiests??? because sorry i dont get it. we all ready have alot of poeple runing for presedant. we have hilarie (but i herd a commidan say they should call her hilarous! dont blame me for that joke because im not that good). and that black muslem guy and that New York one from 7-11 and fred tomsin (used to but drooped out yester day) and Mitt Romny (you prabobly know all ready that he is a moron! but did you know they think there underpants are magic? im not kidding!!!) and Mike Huckabee (yay!). im for Mike Huckabee. he is the only ture Christian running (even you!)

i also looked at your blog other things you wrote. i dont want to critasize but did you know you speled Christian wrong? you wrote Quistian. theres no Q in the real word. just so you know, we get that word from Jesus Christ who is the one true savor who came to Earth with powers and abilties far biyond those of mortel men and was born of Mary a virgo and crossfied for us all to take our sins away from us and then He rose after the 3ird day and joined His Father God in Heave. even thouhg you dont beleive in Him (you are athiest rimember?) you should of speled His name right. the h is the hard part but the rest is just the way it sounds.

maybe you have trouble with the h on your key bored because i aslo see you dint spell Mike Huckabee right. you speled him with F instead of H. i bet you dint relize that you made a bad word there maybe you never heard it. but you shoud look up F-U-C-K and then youl be unbarassed. when you find out what it means youll be happy noone calls you F-U-C-K-E-R-M-I-N-A-T-O-R. (I coped that cair fully so i spelled it write except for the F-U-C-K part at the beginning.) (its really E-T-X, in case you didnt relize what i ment).

one other questoin for you. why do you have a line throuhg Gods picture. i dont think thats very nice. you dint put a line throuhg the owels picture did you? if you put lines throuhg pictures it shoud be fair, God AND owel.

heres another questin and then i will stop. this is not really a questoin but i hope you read it any way. i want to help you because you helped me with iggy. i allways like to help a nother Christian so why shount i help a athiest once and a while. exspeciall if he helped me with a liar like you? maybe i will show you why you shoud be a Christian. and then i would of helped a Christian not an athiest!!!

So heres six reasons. (you can read about them in the Bible) 1- Jesus turned the bread into wine, 2- Jesus saved the woman from stonning because she was an adult, 3- Jesus razed Lazeris, 3- Jesus made a lame person walk (just so you know. when the Bible says lame it is not like a lame joke or a lame axcuse. it is a person who cant walk and Jesus made him)., 4- Jesus heeled the leapers (thats a dissease where things fall off there body!!!), 5. Jesus gave the Surmon of the Month. 6. the crossifixation where he died for are sins.

so thats six reasons!!!

are you a Christian yet? (i know your not thats just a joke. im not that good at them. but think about it).

also sorry, but one last questoin. what is no more hornets mean? do you some times right about hornets? they are another word for bees, right? i looked but i coud not find any bees on your blog. i think if you are saying no more some thing there shoud be that some thing some where for there to be no more of. just a sugstion.

thank you for lissening and for agreeing with me agenst iggy.

your fiend,



Babs Gladhand said...

I'm going to go with the "trinity is a troll" theory. And, a very entertaining troll. In fact, I think that Jonah and Trinity are one in the same. Either that, or Trinity is your alter ego. 'Fess up, Ex. It's really you, isn't it?

I absolutely love this email, and laughed so hard I'm in pain.

I just hope Trinity visits my blog.

Spanish Inquisitor said...

I don't know how you can put up with all that "white noise" as Hitchens calls it. It took every bit of effort on my part to simply skim through that shit, by scrolling down with my mouse. I agree with Billy that it literally drives me to the Bible for some light reading.

And I agree with Babs. You bastard, Ex. You're Trinity. Having fun?

The (Parenthetical) Atheist said...

I waded through some of the comments on JP. I figured, wow, lots of posts, must be a lot of differing opinions. Okay, so I can be wrong.

Ex: If you want some fun, go to babelfish and translate that letter to German, then to French, then to Spanish, then back to English. It may actually make more sense.

PhillyChief said...

I enjoy trinity and I know in my heart she is real.
Her words are there for all to see, therefore she is real.
Everyone I know knows of trinity, therefore she is real.
Most people who go to JP's blog think she is real therefore she must be real.
Iggy doesn't discount her existence despite being at odds with her. Clearly if she were not real Iggy would be the first to say so as her enemy, therefore she is real.
The things she speaks of are real, therefore she is real.

So that's six reasons!!!

Are you a believer yet?

Anonymous said...

Damn, Ex! As if reading all the crap at JP's blog wasn't bad enough, now you had to import some of it to your place too! Have you no shame? No compassion for your readers? Is there nowhere we can go for peace, tranquility and just a touch of sanity?

I think I'll head over to Babs's place. Last I heard, she was hosting a potluck dinner and Jesus was serving dinner.

Or maybe he was dinner.

Anyway, he's been over there. She's even got pictures to prove it.

Unknown said...

See, we don't have direct experience of trinity's existence. All we observe are trinity's effects-- just like the wind. Or thoughts? Can you prove to me thoughts don't exist? Or the wind for that matter? If not, then you must accept that trinity is real.


Belief in trinity is not blind faith, it's a relationship. Therefore you must prove that trinity doesn't exist.


Sorry... I'm agnostic about trinity, but whoever/whatever he or she is, he/she makes me laugh my ass off.

Anonymous said...


i am SO unbarassed!!!

i didnt know you were going to put my e mail out on your blog. is that legal? WITHOUT asking premision??? if you wanted me to put out on your blog i would of siad yes. but you didnt EVEN ask!!!!!

so now that i have that on my chest i will answer some of the questoins people asked me.

You said to me "I think that Jonah and Trinity are one in the same.". i am NOT johna. why do poeple think i am johna. i have enouhg troble being just me. i never even herd of any johna oxsept in the Bible he has a hole book about him. he swalowed a wale but in case you didnt know really a wale is a mamal so it must of was just a fish. and i dont see such a BIG dele about eating a fish. (i dont like the way they smel but maybe johnas fish smelt good)

spannish in., (why do so many athiests have such long names)???,
you said to me "it literally drives me to the Bible for some light reading." i think if you go to the Bible to see the light maybe you are not a athiest. are you? heres why i think you are. 1- long name, 2- said shit and bastard, 3- come to the owels blog, 4- agreing with bbs. heres why i think your not. 1- read Bible to see the light. so it is 4 to 1 that you are athiest but i hope its 1.

you said to me "I waded through some of the comments on JP. I figured, wow, lots of posts, must be a lot of differing opinions." it is not alot of diffing opinoins it is mostly iggy, right? the rest of us cant type a word in egg wise.

you said to me, "So that's six reasons!!!" and heres number 8! im real O.k??? maybe if my name was longer (except bbs) athiests woud beleive in me!!!! just look in the mirrer and i can see im real!

the chaplin,
if i was in your flock i woud not like you to say 1- damn, 2- crap and 3- sannity.

i saw you at j'ps blog. and i just dont understand why you dont beleive in wind. God makes wind all the time! He loves us and wants us to have wind because we need wind for many reasons but i cant think of any write now oxsept kites. sorry.

that reminds me of a funny joke i just made up. im not the 3 stogges so maybe you wont lauhg but ill tell it any way.

How do you know God makes wind all the time? the answer is, He just blows me away! get it? in case you dont, He just blows me away means that im very empressed by Him. do you get it now? if Moe or Larry or Curly or even Shemp told that i know youd lauhg alot. (maybe not Shemp)

sorry im not good at jokes. if God had a sence of yumor, ALL Christians woud be funny insted of just jewish like the 3 stogges.

Unknown said...

I feel dumber, but at least humor isn't dead.

The letter reminds me of the only psychology class I took in college. We we debating whether or not suicide could ever have merit. And, of course, I took the side that it could. Our group went through all of the typical reasonings: the pilot that runs his plane into the ground to avoid hitting a school yard, the person ill and in pain that takes his or her own life, etc. But the crowning moment was when we said that Jesus had in many ways committed suicide by coming to earth to die. (Yeah, maybe not but it was fun to say anyway.)

One of the girls in the room started crying and yelling at us about how Jesus was killed by the Philistines and how dare we! And she sounded a bit like what I imagine Trinity must sound like.

HappyNat said...

I feel like I just read a transcript from Borat . . . good times.

I was going to join the surmon of the month club, but decided on the cheese of the month cluib instead.

Unknown said...


We *were* debating, that is.

Spanish Inquisitor said...

OK, Ex. That clinches it. We know what you're doing.

I don't appreciate being called a shit and a bastard by one of my compatriots.

But I must admit, it's funny and clever. You had us going there.

The (Parenthetical) Atheist said...

I can think of a dozen ways to get a word in egg wize.

The (Parenthetical) Atheist said...

As far as Babs' and SI's theory (its only a theory) that ex and trinity being one and the same, would he be 100% ex and 100% trinity? Or do we have to go through the same adoptionist, dualist, gnostic, orthodox routine and have some sort of atheist Nicene Creed to come up with a holy duallity?

Personally (and I haven't been here that long so I may be wrong) I don't see how the Exterminator and Trinity could be the same person. Exterminator is eloquent, thoughtful, erudite and fluent.

PhillyChief said...

Duality is a complicated issue. Can they be the same person? How? Can they be simultaneously? Is one aware of the other? When one writes, does the other one cease to be temporarily? Is one predicated upon the other? Does that even matter? If trinity be a construct of Ex, can trinity bring the termination of Ex? So many questions. How do we define either, by material substance, thought or action?

Spanish Inquisitor said...

Let's not over-analyze it. There are drugs that can be prescribed for his multiple personality disorder. :)

In fact, I suspect he already has a prescription.

Anonymous said...

I rarely show up at atheist blogs because you people are so sure that God doesn't exist. He does. Have your fun. Make fun of a fellow Christian because she has some typing problems. That makes you right about there not being a God, right? Must be nice to feel so superior.

I suggest you all read the Bible. If you do, perhaps your hearts will fill with compassion. Yes, Iggy is a liar as Trinity has said. I guess I came here just because he was kind enough to defend her and I like her. A LOT.

I can only tell you that the Bible is the Truth. All of it. You may not understand it and science will never help you to do that. You can either go on believing the things that man figures out or you can believe the inerrant word of the ONE TRUE GOD as it clearly states in the Bible. Your choice. Seems like an easy call to me.

Trinity - email?

The (Parenthetical) Atheist said...

So if by creating trinity, he creates duality, is this one of those contradictions we keep reading from another source that are example of 'god's mysteries' and our inate innability to understand because of our limited senses? And was he born into duality, or was he adopted into duality? If trinity is a construct of ex, does trinity actually exist, or is trinity a being of wholely spirit (scotch, I'm guessing) and thus not existing on the material plane (and where does the material girl fit in)? That sounds suspiciously like gnosticism (I thought we stamped that heresy out!). Maybe trinity is a being of pure energy, said energy being stored within the servers and hard drives of the internet?

"Our trinity, who be of gore, ex be thy name, in netscape come, thy confusion be done, on printer as it is on screen."

Sorry. Its my Friday. Trying to think like this is painful. I need scotch.

John Evo said...

Trinity said: 4- Jesus heeled the leapers (thats a dissease where things fall off there body!!!)

Hey, Trinity isn't to be laughed at. I learned something. Sure, she didn't spell it correctly but I thought they were some sick cats with spots (maybe feline measles).

The (Parenthetical) Atheist said...

Johan: I have read the bible. Three different versions. The different versions contradict each other and themselves. The bible can't even agree on the last words of jesus. Seriously, though, if, as you state, the bible is Truth, I have to ask a couple of questions:

1. Which bible?

2. Which translation?

4. With or without the pseudonymous additions under Paul?

5. Whom did Adam's children form cities with, and with whom did they have children?

6. What happened to the children of Cain when the world was destroyed by flood?

These are just off the top of my head. Just curious.

The (Parenthetical) Atheist said...

John evo: Maybe that was "Night of the Lepus?"

The Exterminator said...

Uh, where was I? Last thing I remember, I was campaigning for president.

Spanish Inquisitor said...

Right. And there's an 18 minute gap in the internet.

Babs Gladhand said...

Trinity enlightened us with: (i dont like the way they smel but maybe johnas fish smelt good)

I'm not sure if Jonah's "fish" smelled fishy or not, but just in case, I happen to know of a great product he could use to rid himself of that fishy smell.

Hmmm...Did someone else discover Trinity was a chick, or was it Jonah that brought it up in the conversation? And how come wherever Trinity is, Jonah shows up?

Jesus Christ, Ex. How many personalities do you need?

Anonymous said...

philychef, spannish in., billy, jhon evo (is that short for evli?), and all other athiests AND johna,
i dont know what you are talking about!! i NEVER siad i want to fight in a dule. Wear did you get that idea?. i dont even own a sored. unbelevible!!!

you asked me "Can they be the same person? How? Can they be simultaneously?"? i dont understand this questoin. heres what i know. i come to the owel guy's blog to anwser some questoins. he comes to j'ps blog to help me agenst iggy. why are you asking can we come simlutanously?

you asked me "we said that Jesus had in many ways committed suicide by coming to earth to die"? you sound like a nice girl but sorry thats just dum. why would of Jesus committed suseide? first of all, dr suse wasnt even born yet, i dont think. second Jesus was crossfied for are sins. He planned the hole thing before when He was still just God!!! He wanted to kill Him self! dont you understand this?

i dont even know what you look like so why woud i send you e mail. besides i am not righting e mail to strainge guys today because i am still devil sated about heath leger. (just in case you dont know, hes an actor. he plays gay but ISNT but now is DEAD.)

bbs seems very curous about you so mabye you shoud send her e mail. but i will worn you, shes a BIG athiest and talks dirty alot. so be care full!!

in case you dint know, i recka mended for johna to send you e mail. he makes me uncomftable but maybe he will not with you. im sure he will help if your ever up agenst iggy.

just so you know, i clicked on your name and i looked at your blog and maybe you dont relize it but you are out ragedous. i think johna will be shoked if he clicks on you. just do me a fayver and dont teach him to be athiest and use your vocabyoulerry. some one shoud wash your mouth out with soup!!!

owel guy,
how come your aslep throuhg every thing i siad? dont play dead with me!!! every body else was a wake.

Babs Gladhand said...


Well, yesterday I ate bisque, but I'm not sure if that qualifies as soup. However, I did make some chicken stock last night that I plan on making soup with, so maybe I could just go gargle with some of that.

Should Jonah email me, I will do my best not to turn him into a heathen, but I can't promise anything because the dark side is very alluring.


Unknown said...

You know what my momma said about nice boys like Jonah.

OG: But, Mo-om, Jonah said it was true! It has to be true!

OG's Momma: If Jonah jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?

OG: Well, no... But, but..

OG's Momma: Well then, don't believe everything people say is true just because they say it's true.

Well, OK, maybe that was just in my mind.

Trinity gave me a new nickname and I think I kind of like it. So from now on you have to call me "ornerygirl" because this whole thread is making me kind of ornery.

He planned the hole thing before when He was still just God!!! He wanted to kill Him self! dont you understand this?

Right, so if he planned to kill himself then he was committing suicide. Right?

OK, that convinced me. This has to be Ex. Come on, man. No one could be that ignorant.

Unknown said...

No one could be that ignorant.

Well, that ignorant and charming at the same time. No offense, Trinity. But she's much preferable to Jonah. She's like a sweet little flower next to Jonah, the sour little lemon.

Babs, I heard chicken stock doesn't make good soup for mouth washing anyway. You have to use tomato. Or maybe that was cream of asparagus. I can't remember.

Anonymous said...

Babs, it doesn't interest me at all but if you want to save your soul (I do) then we can talk. I understand your need to talk dirty and if you want to do it with me, it won't bother me (I'm protected by Christ) so don't worry, just go ahead. There is great darkness before the dawn.

Billy, there you go. You DO NOT comprehend the simple truth I'm telling you. You are trying to use logic and reason to figure out why things don't seem to match up in different versions of the Bible - it doesn't work that way! Logic, reason and common sense are tools from God, but misused in the hands of the Deciever and that's where your problem is. The fact is - you can use ANY version of the Bible and the Truth is in every word of the Word. Stop reading with your mind and read with your heart and it will all be clear, but I can't do it for you. If you pray before and after reading, whichever book you read, an understanding unlike that you get from "weak man's knowledge" (science) will come upon you. Stop thinking. It will not help you.

Unknown said...

Stop thinking. It will not help you.

Ah yes, the cry of the believer. I've heard that a lot. I guess thinking is overrated because it might keep you from stabbing your daughter in the chest because you heard voices you mistook for God telling you to.

JP said...


You are killing me. This is one of the best emails I have ever read and, no offense guys, trinity is the best poster to ever grace my blog. I truely thought these 2 were real.

silly me but damn clever.

Unknown said...

And I thought I had too much time on my hands...

Anonymous said...

you asked me "OK, that convinced me. This has to be Ex. No one could be that ignorant."

ornerygirl, i didnt know you were marred even one time. but low and be holed you siad you have an ex!!! so why are you calling him ingorant on owel guy's blog?

does your ex read hear??? im soprized!!

wait a minite. is he 1 of the athiests, philychef, or spannish in., or billy, or jhon evo. i know its not jp because he has a nother blog with a picture of his wiff and iggy on it and it doesnt look any thing like your pictrue.

sorry the, i cant imajen ornerygirl or even any body marred to you. just so you know in case you didt relize, you're picture is very scarry with yello eyes and a sharp nose!!! (dont get angry thats a joke. i know you dont really have yello eyes.)

wait a MINNUT!!! ornerygirl, are you clamming you were marred before to the picture of that guy from bay watch? im empressed. is he a Christian?

Unknown said...

Yeah, I've marred many people in my life. Scarred them too. Maybe even scared them. You'll have to ask Lifey, Evo, and Chef if I ever marred them. I'm not so sure.

I can't believe you haven't yet heard of the legendary, wonderful Matt. You really need to get out into the real world. I mean, who hasn't heard of Matt??

Anonymous said...

Good Lord! Having spent the entire evening in the chapel responding to some guy who's probably a troll, I come over to the Hornet's Nest for some peace and quiet, and discover that I've entered the Twilight Zone. 'Fess up, now: Which one of you is Rod Serling?

Anonymous said...

You unlock this door with the key of ignorance. Beyond it is another dimension, a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, but a dimension of no mind. You're moving into a land of shadow and no substance, of wind and no thought. You've crossed over into the Fundie Zone.

Babs Gladhand said...

Jonah - I sincerely appreciate you wanting to save my soul, but I kinda sort of lost it. I traded my soul to my neighbor for a cup of sugar. I was making cookies, and didn't want to go to the store, okay? But don't worry, what I lack in negotiating skills, I more than make up for in talking dirty. So, whatta ya say? I'm game if you are.

JP said...

"But don't worry, what I lack in negotiating skills, I more than make up for in talking dirty. So, whatta ya say? I'm game if you are."

Come on Jonah, man up. Time is running short my man, I may have to take your place in that talk :)

Anonymous said...

Goodness gracious, Babs!

Did Jonah hit on you with the old, "let's talk about saving your soul line?" I especially love the "you can talk dirty to me, I'm protected by Christ" bit. Damn! Let me give you some advice as the graduate of a Christian college: the Bible majors were the horniest guys on campus. They were animals in the back seat of a car. You watch yourself with that guy, y'hear?

BTW, I thought Philly's blog was today's designated sex talk place.

The (Parenthetical) Atheist said...

Jonah: Any book? Right now I'm reading five:

1. Chapterhouse Dune by Frank Herbert

2. Dawn of the Dinosaurs: Life in the Triassic

3. A History of the Anglo Saxons (don't have the book with me right now, so I know the title is a little off)

4. David Isby's Weapons and Tactics of the Soviet Army

5. Frederick Pohl's Beyond the Blue Event Horizon

So, how will prayer help me? I admit I need some help keeping the Anglo-Saxon names straight. Ecgfreth, Ecgbert, Harthacnut, Cnut, Paddleyourcnut, and don't get me started on some of the women's names.

So, even if each book is about a different subject, uses different words, the Words are the same? I don't understand.

Unknown said...

While I sometimes wonder if I am marrying AN ornery girl, I have never been marred to or by THE Ornery Girl. I do, however, frequent her blog.

John Evo said...

Lifey - take my 25 years experience... don't play around even before you are married (or marred). Then again, maybe it's just the Christian I married (or marred) that makes me say that.

Psychodiva said...

Methinks the bad spelling and worse grammer is a little bit forced :) of course I may be totally wrong and it is just that good old US fundamentalist eddukatiun coming out again :)

Troll for definite

and i agree with HappyNat lol

HappyNat said...

I feel like I just read a transcript from Borat . . . good times.

Anonymous said...

Real or not, it doesn't matter.

I'm entertained and my mind is mush.

trinity said...

ear every body,

i just want to tell you that i started my own blog. in case you dont know, a bolg is when you write stuff on the internette. i cant explane the internette axactly but its where you have a comeputter and you turn it on and you clink on things and poeple will take you all over the hole world (even prono, but not me!!!!)

the owel guy showed me how to give you what to clink, so here it is. Trinity's Christian Dairy.

i hope you will clink that and come to my blog (its free!!!!!!) (but not if your looking for prono because i dont use it). alos no dirty words so if your like bbs or the owel guy or some other athiests you might be board. but if you dont come thats O.k because Jesus Christ loves you any way. but His love will feel better if you come. (sorry, thats a joke. really, Jesus Christ will love you no matter where you clink. i wish i could tell them as good as the 3 stogges. unless your an athiest)!!!!

The Ridger, FCD said...

Thanks, Exterminator. As they say, teh stupid, it burns. I'll never get back the time I spent over there ...

I don't have the patience for these arguments - if they can be called that - "The Bible is true because it's the Word of God and we know that because it says so." When that's the argument, there's nothing else to say, is there? Everybody's scripture says it's true, so you just pick one and then all the others are lies, and you'd argue the exact same way if you'd been born in Tehran or Mumbai or Bangkok...

Woof. Must go finish up The Plague. So far it's kind of boring, but at least it's not painful.

Redlefty said...

The letter and the comments just killed me, as does trinity's site. Well done.

trinity said...

hi redfelty,

you asked me "Well done"? think you very much.

i keep looking at youre picture and trying to figure out which one is you and which one is not you. in case you dont know, both those poeple look too young to write any thing on the internette. but some times looks can be deseething as my cuzzen Faith-Ann says. so if your the one in blue your cute. also if your the one in pink your cute too. so your cute ether way but if your not them then who are you and why are you showing cute poeples pictures onless your NOT???????