Monday, March 31, 2008

The Stermy Awards for March 2008


Well, maybe it's just me being cranky because it's spring. I hate all that obnoxious sunlight.

But this month, I'm going to bestow only four Stermy Awards for Exemplary Writing. Remember: These awards are subjective, so no whining.

Anyway, here are a few more random rules:

  • No Stermy will be awarded for any post that's less than 300 words long.
  • No Stermy will be awarded for any post that is more than 75% quotes from other sources.
  • No Stermy will be awarded for any post that's more than 2000 words long.
EXPLANATORY NOTE: Stermies are given for blog-writing, not refrigerator notes, "Reader's Digest" reprints, or graduate school dissertations.

So here are this month's winners, presented in the usual alphabetical order:
BlackSun at Black Sun Journal
for "Everyone Believes in Something"
It sounds mean to mock someone who’s been injured. But far worse than a severed foot is severance from knowledge. How many people have lost that tether? How many people live in a vast swirling sea of "I don’t fucking know?" Flailing blindly, they grasp onto any flotsam or jetsam, whether or not it’s carrying them further from shore.

The Chaplain at An Apostate's Chapel
for Would You Please Reschedule Your Crisis?
Now's Not a Good Time.

Right. You want me to take an hour to drive there, hang around in a prayer meeting (those really get the juices flowing) for one or two hours, then spend another hour driving home - because you need me to play the piano for about eight minutes. Needless to say, I didn’t make it to that one.

Infinity at X is ...
for Cuss Free Zone
My two daughters thought that the word stupid was a bad word for years. You know what? It is a fucking bad word! When words are used to harm or make a person feel bad, then it is bad. Or at least it’s not good.

PhillyChief at You Made Me Say It
for Golden Rule
A British missionary group was saddened to see tribesmen (I think Trobrianders, but I'm not sure) running around naked so they wrote back to their church and the fine old church ladies in England, with nothing but love and the desire to help in their hearts, knitted and sent wonderful sweaters to these poor, naked wretches in the rainforest. Not wanting to offend, the tribe accepted and wore the sweaters. Soon the rain fell, as it does in rainforests, the sweaters got soaked, and the tribe, now wearing soaked sweaters, developed pneumonia and almost all died.
Congratulations, whatever they're worth, to this month's recipients. I'm returning the bribe money to the rest of you.

11 comments:

vjack said...

Cool, a new reading list! I'm off to check out each of these posts.

the chaplain said...

Thanks for the recognition.

PhillyChief said...

Very cool company. I just checked out the ones I hadn't read before, Blacksun and Infinity. Good stuff.

Ordinary Girl said...

Good stuff. I really enjoy reading your Stermy list every month.

John Evo said...

Glad to see Sean from Blacksun Journal get an award. He's a heck of a writer. I just saw this particular post of his recently.

The Stermy Awards is a great tradition and I hope you will keep it going.

BlackSun said...

Thanks, Exterminator.

I have to give partial credit to my good friend David Webb who made a remark to me many years ago about people who lose their religion being "adrift on a sea of 'I don't fucking know'" Dave is a brilliant engineer, a good skeptic and a Douglas Adams fan.

The line always stuck with me and it popped out of my memory into this post. It proves good ideas never go stale.

Thanks again.

infinity said...

Ah fuck. I didn't even prepare a goddamn speech.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Brendan said...

I'll join in the acclaim and appreciation for the Stermys (Stermies?), but I'd like to add a suggestion, too:

Gather up the rules for Stermy Eligibility into one post, and let it grow without bound. Eventually, could be funny, in a Pythonesque way.

The Exterminator said...

vjack:
I'm always pleased to pass on good reading.

chappy:
Thanks for the recognition.
Hey, isn't that chappy? I recognize her. Seriously, Thanks for writing posts that deserve to be recognized. And, as the author of the only post in this lot that didn't include any "taboo" words, you should be extra proud.

Philly:
I just checked out the ones I hadn't read before, Blacksun and Infinity. Good stuff.
Yeah, I figured you'd like them. They both include the word "fuck." That's not an actual requirement for the award, by the way.

OG:
I really enjoy reading your Stermy list every month.
I'm glad to hear that. I pick only posts that I, myself, really enjoyed reading.

Evo:
The Stermy Awards is a great tradition and I hope you will keep it going.
Yeah, the tradition goes back 2000 years to when Jesus gave Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John the very first Stermy Awards. I still can't understand why your post back then wasn't recognized. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoy this little exercise, and I do plan to keep it going.

BlackSun:
I have to give partial credit to my good friend David Webb ...
OK. Feel free to give him a piece of your Stermy. I think he deserves the coveted "middle finger" award for his wonderful quote.

infinity:
Ah fuck. I didn't even prepare a goddamn speech.
You've run out of time anyway, so no loss. I see, though, that you did manage to sneak an expletive into your comment just to ingratiate yourself with the judges.

Brendan:
Gather up the rules for Stermy Eligibility into one post, and let it grow without bound.
I can't do that, because the rules keep changing. Also, I'd like people who are new to the awards to expend a little effort reading the previous posts. However, if you send me $50.00 for postage and a self-addressed stamped envelope, I'll zip out to you the latest Stermy pamphlet.

John Evo said...

I think the Stermys DO deserve a little "sidebar" action at this point. Then when newbies come along they can see you ever-changing rules as well as past winners.

Brendan said...

I can't do that, because the rules keep changing.

All the more reason to adopt my suggestions. You could have all sorts of clarifications, strikethroughs, referrals to other sections ("but see also paragraph 19, subsection (b) ..."), and so on.

I guess I just have a twisted love for incomprehensible pages of rules, brought back to the surface by the occasion of tax season.