Sunday, July 20, 2008

Barack Obama Jokes. And Some McCain Jokes, Too.

Comedians have already begun complaining that they can’t come up with jokes about Barack Obama. But that may just be because of misplaced political correctness.

Still, when The New Yorker published its satirical cover of the Obamas last week, many folks on the Left — including the Obama campaign staff — raised a stink about the alleged inappropriateness of the gag. So perhaps we humorists do need to be careful about inadvertently insulting the candidate.

I recently wrote six great jokes about Barack Obama, but because I’m always scrupulously careful not to offend anyone, I submitted them to the Obama people for vetting before publishing them here. A few minor changes were suggested, which I wasn’t too happy about, but the upside is that now no one can accuse me of insensitivity. Here are the edited versions of those jokes.

Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
Because he’s the candidate of Change.

Why does Barack Obama wear red suspenders?
Because he’s the candidate of Change.

Why did Barack Obama throw the clock out the window
Because he’s the candidate of Change.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Barack Obama.
Barack Obama who?
Barack Obama, the candidate of Change.

A rabbi, a priest, and Barack Obama are drinking American-made beer (not too many bottles though) in a bar together. Obama turns to the others and says, “I’ll bet you guys don’t know who I am.” The rabbi says, “You’re right. It says nothing about you in the Talmud.” The priest says, “You’re right. The Pope didn’t issue an encyclical about you.” The bartender, listening in on the conversation, finally asks, “OK, who are you?” “Well,” says Obama, “I’m the candidate of Change.”

How many Barack Obamas does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, because he’s the candidate of Change.

The McCain staff, on the other hand, said that their targeted electorate doesn’t get jokes anyway, so whatever I said wouldn’t matter. Here then, for your chuckle-hungry enjoyment, are my original knee-slappers.
Why did John McCain cross the road?
Because George Bush was on the other side.

Why does John McCain wear red suspenders?
Because the bright color distracts Americans from looking at his wrinkles.

Why did John McCain throw the clock out the window
Because he was angry that people were making jokes about how old he was.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
John McCain.
John McCain who?
I told you. John McCain. Could you let me in, you cunt? I forgot where I put my keys.

A rabbi, a priest, and John McCain are drinking Iraqi democratically made beer (produced only as a result of the surge’s success) in a bar together. McCain turns to the others and says, “I’ll bet you guys don’t know who I am.” The rabbi says, “You’re right. It says nothing about you in the Talmud.” The priest says, “You’re right. The Pope didn’t issue an encyclical about you.” The bartender, listening in on the conversation, finally asks, “OK, who are you?” “Well,” says McCain, “I was hoping one of you could tell me. I can’t remember.”

How many John McCains does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because he outsourced the job to India.

Ahhh, now that’s comedy, eh? The presidential contest promises to be hilarious, doesn’t it?

But maybe the joke’s on us.

15 comments:

Spanish Inquisitor said...

Weren't you supposed to wait until after the next podcast? There's not going to be any jokes left, by the time our listeners start to respond.

Oh, wait. It was Obama jokes we asked for.

Nevermind.

the chaplain said...

These are pretty funny. I'm not sure you should give up your day job, but I like them anyway.

PhillyChief said...

I think each candidate has just one punchline, change or Depends. Now if you could work them both into a joke, I see some comedy potential there.

The Exterminator said...

What's the difference between Barack Obama and John McCain.

Obama depends on change. McCain changes his Depends.

the chaplain said...

LOL!

DB said...

LOL, I am glad to see others who think this has become a joke! These are nearly as funny as the classic jokes McCain is cracking.

Sarge said...

My last tour in Germany a neighbor told me about something that happened in WWII.

He was home on leave from Russia and a friend took him to a sort of night club where there was a comic who was (for Germany at that time) quite popular and well known.

This man told a political joke, he said that he would now give the officially accepted comments on the political situation i greater Germany. He was silent for two minutes. The audience loved it.

He finished his act, went to his dressing room, and was never seen again.

The Exterminator said...

Sarge:
Well, if I suddenly disappear, you'll know that the Stasi have come for me. Maybe it'll happen while Obama is giving his speech in Germany.

yinyang said...

Your edited jokes about Obama remind me of a few lines in the Jib Jab video "Time for Some Campaignin'."

John Evo said...

How many Barack Obamas does it take to change a light bulb?

LOL!

By the way, all of your original Obama jokes were very, very racist and anti-religion. It's a good thing you cleared them with the campaign ortherwise everyone would point this out until you stop and apologize (or, with Obama, "repent").

bullet said...

Very cool and funny. I don't care what your wife says about you, you're ok.

The Exterminator said...

Yinny:
I'd already seen that video, and I thought it was hilarious. I highly recommend that anyone who hasn't seen it yet immediately click your link. (That's not as dirty as it sounds.)

Evo:
[A]ll of your original Obama jokes were very, very racist ...
Yeah, they made me edit out all my references to Buckwheat and Uncle Remus.


bullet:
I don't care what your wife says about you, you're ok.
Thanks. But please don't make me choose between you and her.

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