Friday, July 25, 2008

Puzzling Atheists #6: Crunchy Gods

We’ve all been reading about PZ Myers and his desecration of the “Host,” which is basically a cracker with Jesus in it. Or is it a cracker that (who?) IS Jesus. In either case, Jesus and the cracker are definitely intermingled into one unitary entity that (who?) can send you to hell if you bite it or feed it to your dog.

It turns out that our pal the Christ isn’t the only god who uses a crunchable for camouflage. As a matter of fact, twenty such gods appear below. Since the gods and the snacks are wholly holy, none of the names have been fucked around with; the letters appear in the correct order for both omnipotence and maximum crispiness.

For example, if you look closely at ORJESEUOS you may find Jesus inhabiting an Oreo: ORJESEUOS. You might also be able to see Thor peeking out from a piece of Papadum: TPAHOPADRUM.

Each deity and snackable is written as one word, without punctuation. Some of the gods are, admittedly, a little obscure. Crackers, cookies, and other crunchables, are always written in the singular. They may be generic (like TACO), a specific type (like GRAHAM), or even a brand or trade name (like RUFFLE or KITKAT). I’ve tried to be a good scout, but I do apologize to my non-American readers for any particular treat they may not have heard of. Note: The use of an edible in this puzzle does not necessarily mean that I endorse it as delicious. In fact, some of the following items, both foods and gods, are pretty vile.

Your challenge is to separate the gods from the crunchies. The first correct solver of each item will have his or her name listed, although not in a cracker. To give solvers maximum opportunity, please limit each comment to ONE answer only. You may, however, submit multiple comments. Thanks.

  1. TATRIMSMCUIUTZ
  2. PRITATHZ
  3. SAMLINTERINVEA
  4. AMHUATRAMZAZODA
  5. ANAUNBIMAILS
  6. GFORLIDGFIGSH
  7. CQUHEIPSTAZAHLCOATOLY
  8. ASTHATGOARLOENGTH
  9. CZHEUEEZIST
  10. TAPOLOLHLOULOSE
  11. NANUNTTAEBURBUTSTHER
  12. SHORBATBARELAD
  13. SYAMAHOWEHA
  14. RYMEAKRDRIUSKP
  15. WWEHENACTHTHANING
  16. BOIGSMCOTITOSO
  17. GIPONSGEIERSDNOANP
  18. HYSDRHIOVAX
  19. CKRORUISTHONAN
  20. DOKOUSNINIDUSOHI

Good luck and happy chomping. But be careful not to ruin your appetite – or your intellect – on this junk.

[Update: All crunchies and gods have now been safely disunited, so no deities were desecrated in the making of this puzzle. I'm not listing the answers, though, in case some of you latecomers want to give these a try. You can look through the comments to find the solutions.]
[Puzzle-crackers
: 1. yinyang; 2. iambilly; 3. yinyang; 4.
yinyang; 5. yinyang; 6. John Evo; 7. yinyang; 8. the chaplain; 9. iambilly; 10. yinyang; 11. the chaplain; 12. iambilly; 13. yinyang; 14. iambilly; 15. John Evo; 16. the chaplain; 17. the chaplain; 18. iambilly; 19. Kira; 20. Kira]

64 comments:

John Evo said...

I'll get them going, EX.

Number 6 is the Norse god, Frigg (like that god for some reason) and he's in a goldfish (not the animal, the cracker).

The Exterminator said...

Evo:
Correct. Leave it to you to find the god whose name is a euphemism for "fuck."

(((Billy))) said...

Number 2 is Ritz and Ptah. I think. Not that I'm old enough to remember, but . . .

(((Billy))) said...

And number 9 is Zeus and Cheezit(s).

Number 12 is shortbread and Baal.

18 is Hydrox and Shiva.

This is cruel. I am gluten intolerant, (((Wife))) has coeliac disease, and you put up all of these god-forsaken delicious gluten snacks. Arrgh!

yinyang said...

3. Minerva & Saltine

Yes! I got one! I feel smart.

yinyang said...

7. Quetzalcoatl and Chips Ahoy

yinyang said...

10. Apollo & Toll House

yinyang said...

13. Yahweh & Samoa

I like this puzzle. :)

The Exterminator said...

(((Billy))):
One answer at a time, please. If you come in here and write all twenty answers in one comment, everybody else will be pissed off at you. Worse, your gluten intolerance will act up big-time.

All your answers are correct.

Yinyang:
Yes! I got one! I feel smart.
Actually, you got four. How do you feel now?

iambilly said...

Sorry. Didn't see that rule until just now.

17: Gingersnap and Posiedon. This is a great adventure.

the chaplain said...

Number 11:

Nutterbutter and Nanabush.

No, Nana Bush is not George' W's granny.

iambilly said...

Number 14: Rye Krisp and Marduk. Those are really good (or I remember tham being really good) with a slice of prosciutto and some asiago. Also good with brie.

the chaplain said...

Number 16:

Biscotti and Ogmios.

The Exterminator said...

(((Billy))):
I'm not giving you credit for number 17 -- yet -- because your answer isn't correct. I hope you didn't kill the god when you were trying to separate him from the cracker.

yinyang said...

Uh... really, really, really smart?

5. Anubis & Animal

the chaplain said...

Number 8:
Ashtoreth and Tagalong

the chaplain said...

Number 17:
Gingersnap and Poseidon.

yinyang said...

1. Tammuz & Triscuit

The Exterminator said...

chaplain:
Correct on numbers 8 and 11. But you've found a few too many crackers in number 16.

(((Billy))):
Correct on 14. Either you really know your gods, or you really know your crackers. Maybe you really know your Cracker Gods, rulers of the Southern United States.

yinyang:
Correct on 5. Perhaps we should go into business together to manufacture a new product: Animal-god Crackers. I'm betting that most people would still bite off the head first.

The Exterminator said...

chappy:
You've beaten (((Billy))) to the punch on number 17. Sorry (((Billy))), but these gods are jealous gods and thou shalt have no other typos before them.

yinny:
Correct on 1. I'm starting to wonder about you, because you seem to know an awful lot of cracker varieties. Do you eat gods in bed? With the chaplain and (((Billy))))?

the chaplain said...

Okay. I'll take one biscotto with my Ogmios.

John Evo said...

Looks like I have to come in and kick start this again.

Number 15 is Wen-chang on a Wheat Thin.

If you couldn't figure it out, he's a Chinese god. First known as Zhang Ya Zi, a wise man and fortune teller. He could also change his appearance. As an expert in the Dao he was given a somewhat "loftier" position and name (Wen-chang) and now sits in the Big Dipper.

The Exterminator said...

Evo:
Well, I should have figured you'd come up with the god of literature, books, and writing. I wonder if you saw his name in a fortune cookie.

yinyang said...

4. Ahura Mazda & Matzo

iambilly said...

Damn. I forgot the rule. I before E Except when Ruling the Sea. Sorry, Poseidon. I'll burn some meat (ribeye steak) and vegetables (sweet red pepper and zucchini) on the grill to atone.

The Exterminator said...

yinny:
Yep on number 4. You don't have to be Jewish to get these answers.

(((Billy))):
I forgot the rule. I before E Except when Ruling the Sea.
If there were points for funny responses, I would have given you a few for that. Let's hope that the god has a sense of humor next time you go swimming.

John Evo said...

Ex, you don't know how disappointed I am that you didn't use:

Catsezcatsavlipaoca

The Exterminator said...

Evo:
Just to show that I can solve 'em, myself, the answer is TEZCATLIPOCA & CASSAVA.

Thanks for the challenge. Also, thanks for telling me about that cracker just last night.

iambilly said...

Wx: If you could see my physique, you would realize I do not swim. I float.

The Exterminator said...

(((Billy))):
Is Wx the atheist god of puzzles?

Kira said...

Number 20 is Okuninushi and dosido, right?

The Exterminator said...

Kira:
Hi, and welcome to No More Hornets. You managed to solve one of the hardest items here. Okuninushidamnit, you're good.

Kira said...

Thanks! Yeah, I saw that you were using girl scout cookie names, so I went from there and took away the letters that spelled dosido. Then I googled the result, and, sure enough, it turned out to be a Shinto god.

John Evo said...

One to go and Yinny up by 2.

I do believe we have a winner.

Kira said...

19. Krishna and crouton.

The Exterminator said...

Kira:
Hey, you're giving away trade secrets. Didn't you sign a contract that you wouldn't reveal your strategies for finding the correct answers? In any case, here's a hint: Number 19 is NOT a Girl Scout cookie.

Evo:
Yeah, yinny seems to be the biggest crumb around.

Kira said...

Too late, got it.

The Exterminator said...

Wow, that went fast. You folks are all god-cracker experts. Remember: Don't chew unless you want blood oozing out from between your teeth.

The winner: yinyang (7 correct)

Runners-up:
iambilly (5 correct)
the chaplain (4 correct)
John Evo (2 correct)
Kira (2 correct)

John Evo said...

I give Kira big props for solving two tough ones. I really tried to bust that last one and just couldn't do it. Way to go Yinny.

yinyang said...

Ooh, I won! :D Do I get a prize?

I'm kind of sad, though, that I didn't get 19 right, because croutons are one of my favorite crunchy snacks.

The Exterminator said...

Evo:
I give Kira big props for solving two tough ones.
Yeah, I agree. She made a very impressive debut appearance here.

But how come you didn't praise me for solving your sneaky little poser? What am I, chopped liver? (Note: The way my mother used to make that, it WAS crunchy, although I don't think she meant it to be.)

yinny:
Do I get a prize?
A package of Exterminator's God-Removing Dental Floss™ is in the mail.

PhillyChief said...

Here's the problem with thinking puzzles on an atheist site - they're solved almost immediately.

The Exterminator said...

Philly:

Although puzzles are essentially trivia, it does make me proud, in some small way, to know that the Atheosphere is filled with people who enjoy a mental challenge -- and are capable of rising to it. Fast.

This puzzle, for instance, required being able to read between the lines, to see the forest and the trees at the same time. Solvers had to step outside the box and look closely at the box itself to determine its contents. Freethinkers can do that.

[Note: If anyone can find any data on the religious affiliation -- or nonaffiliation -- of American puzzle solvers, please leave it in a comment.]

John Evo said...

Ex, I'm sorry...

Yes. You are chopped liver.

Actually, I thought that was a pretty hard one and you got it immediately. Then again, it was ever so slightly easier for you because we had so recently mentioned cassava bread.

John Evo said...

cprazmecyekrers

One last very easy one... Ex, don't answer for a while. Let's see who gets it.

Think octopus god.

The Exterminator said...

Cute one, Evo.
But you've got an extra letter in there.

So: Point to the first person who identifies the extraneous letter in Evo's item.

PhillyChief said...

e

The Exterminator said...

Philly:
So you got a chance to solve a small puzzle after all. You win a point, which the Chiefs may need in the future.

John Evo said...

One point isn't likely to help the Chiefs. They will need a lot of pork barbecue to have any chance at all. Damn extra letter. Well, that's why you do the puzzles and not I.

(((Billy))) said...

Ex: No. Wx is the atheist god of tpyographical errors. Sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to put you further down the alphabet.

(((Billy))) said...

Damn. Typograhpical.

the chaplain said...

(((Billy))):

Have you been lax in making your ritual sacrifices to Wx again?

The Exterminator said...

(((Billy))):
Damn. Typograhpical.
Have you thought about using a pencil instead of a keyboard?

chappy:
The ritual sacrifice to Wx, the God of Typographical Errors, is any excerpt from a Christian blog. The same burnt offering will also work to mollify Pointy, the God of Exclamations, and UPCASEMIEL, the God of Capital Letters.

iambilly said...

The pencil pokes holes in the LSD screen on my computer.

John Evo said...

Is that another typo, or do you get high while working at the computer?

iambilly said...

That's it. I'm going to bed and I'm not getting up until noon tomorrow. LCD, not LDS. Sheesh! How many ways can I fuck up comments in one day (two days). Whatever. I'll talk to ya'll when I wakes upin teh mronign.

The Exterminator said...

(((Billy))):
Here's a line I used at another blog today when someone -- tina! -- pointed out that I'd made a typo. I'll gladly lend this response to you for any excuses necessary in the future:

The Printer's Devil made me do it!

John Evo said...

LCD, not LDS. Sheesh!

Either another typo or you got so high on the LSD that you joined The Mormon Church (Latter Day Saints).

The Exterminator said...

Evo & (((Billy))):
I think what you both mean is L.S./M.F.T.

John Evo said...

I don't know about that. All I know is I desperately want to buy SOMETHING... a pencil, a laptop, some cigarettes - ANYTHING. I don't have much money right now, but I do want to spend it immediately.

iambilly said...

Ex: Scary. Almost makes me wish for the stupid King on the BK adds.

John Evo: LSD & LDS. Wasn't that a one-line joke in one of the Star Trek Movies?

iambilly said...

PhillyChief said: "Here's the problem with thinking puzzles on an atheist site - they're solved almost immediately."

Can you imagine this game on a fundogelical site?

1. CHGEEOZIDT
2. OGROEDO
3. MGATOZOD
etc.

Kind of a boring and easy game, yet I doubt it would have been solved this quickly.

the chaplain said...

You could spice up the Christian version by using Jesus occasionally. You could get really tricky and use YHWH or Elohim too - but most Christians would never, ever in this lifetime get those two.

You could do a 12 disciples version too - that would be a wee bit more challenging.

And if you did a Catholic Saints version, you could issue a new one every week for about 200 years before running out of puzzles.

The Exterminator said...

(((Billy))):
Kind of a boring and easy game ...
Not easy enough, though. I think on a fundy site the puzzle would be more like this:

1. CHEE-GOD-ZIT
2. OR-JESUS-EO
3. MAT-HELP! I'M STUCK IN A JEW CRACKER!-ZO

chaplain:
Or just to piss Christians off, we could include:
4. RI-SATAN-TZ