Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I Think, Therefore I Am Orange

Twenty Things I Was Thinking About While I Watched the Second Night of the Democratic Convention
  1. I wonder if there are any more Cheetos in this house.

  2. Why don’t Hillary and Bill start a third party?

  3. When is someone gonna talk about torture, and invasions of privacy, and politicizing the justice department, and falsifying scientific data, and lying to Congress, and the government’s failure to help disaster victims, and ...?

  4. Whatever happened to Walter Mondale?

  5. Why should I care if Barack Obama is good at doing laundry and making beds?

  6. Do the speakers get those bathrooms where the toilets flush automatically?

  7. I wonder if Mrs. Ex remembered to buy more beer.

  8. Why does every speech have to end with God bless America?

  9. Did I just see Judy Tenuta in the crowd? Whatever happened to her?

  10. If one more person talks about Kennedy and going to the moon, I’m gonna start singing “That’s Amore.”

  11. When are they going to show the number to call to vote for Obama?

  12. Are all those signs really good for the environment?

  13. Everybody says that Bush was such a disaster for America during the last eight years, so why didn’t any of the speakers call for his impeachment?

  14. Since the convention is held at the Pepsi Center, do people who prefer Coke have to smuggle it in?

  15. Hey, isn’t that delegate a girl I used to date in high school? Whatever happened to her?

  16. What's the point of all that waving?

  17. If Jimmy Carter is at the convention, who’s out building houses for poor people?

  18. Wow, Chelsea looks good!

  19. There’s gotta be Cheetos and beer somewhere in this fucking house.

  20. How come no one mentioned the Constitution?


Venjanz said...

I too have been watching the Democrat Convention almost non-stop.

I wished I would have known on Monday that Hussein was 10 miles from my house that night. I would have gone there with my camera and asked him a few questions.

As for q. 14, no... plastic bottles are banned from the Democrat Convention, no word on cans though.

q. 2: I once had a "third party" with Hill and Bill. I'm bigger than him, but he has more stamina.

q. 4: Mondale ran the most futile Presidential campaign in US history and subsequently suffered the worst defeat ever. I have seen him on CNN and MSNBC a few times over the years though.

q. 17: Dhimmie Carter is here:

And yeah, Chelsea DOES look good, but I have to say that I would like to take Michelle Obama back to my house and try to knock the bottom out of it.

Sarge said...

Boys, boys! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I watched a bit of it, but my medication makes me queasy enough, and the fiction I read rather than watch on TV is more my style.

(Billy) said...

Puffy Cheetos or Crunchy Cheetos?

I tuned in for a small part of the convention, said screw this, and turned on the Red Sox game (they beat the Yankees!). I have a great deal of respect for anyone who can watch modern conventions. I can't handle Dancing with Starts, Survivor, or any of the other reality shows, and conventions have become just that: staged reality. But that's just me. I'll read about it (on blogs), but no way will I watch that shit. I admire your intestinal fortitude, Ex.

Anonymous said...

At least if you watch on CSPAN you don't have to put up with the blithering egos of the mainstream news people.

I read somewhere that they did ban Coke from the Pepsi Center. Talk about micromanaging...

The Exterminator said...

Michelle Obama would eat you up and spit out the gristle. I'd aim a little lower if I were you. What do you think of Judy Tenuta. (It could happen.)

The problem with the fiction at the convention is that it's not quality, literary stuff. It's more like a bad romance novel.

Hey, you lost some of your parentheses. In answer to your question, Crunchy Cheetos, of course. I agree with you that the conventions are staged, but I'm not convinced that they have even the remotest glimmer of reality. As far as my intestinal fortitude goes: Did you know that Cheetos are good for your bowels?

You don't get it. The blithering egos of the mainstream news people are part of the fun. Somehow, they always hear much better speeches than I do. Maybe they're listening to Churchill piped in on those earphones of theirs.

((Billy)) said...

Trying to cut down. Tired fingers. Those damn things make me look fat. I am fat compared to, well, anyone skinnier than I.

Glad to hear its the crunchy ones. (Girl) likes the puffy ones. Bleah.

Anonymous said...

Re: #5 - When Obama stays overnight at your house, you'll want to know whether he can wash and change his own sheets or you and Mrs. Ex will have to do it for him.

Re: #6 - I hope so. I wouldn't want to shake hands with any of them otherwise.

Re: #8 - Because the speaker who says "Allah be praised" will be lynched in a New York minute.

Re: #14 - If you really need a hit of Coke, try one of those biker hydration packs.

John Evo said...

Ex said: In answer to your question, Crunchy Cheetos, of course.

Uh, Flamming Hot Lime Crunchy Cheetos. Try them.

Some things I was thinking about:

Why can I put up with the nonsense at this convention, but can't stomach more than an hour or two of the Republicans?

How is it that Bill Clinton can be so utterly infuriating at times, and so completely on target at others? Did he get some head shortly before speaking tonight?

Joe Biden was the right pick for Obama. He was just warming up tonight. I don't think John McCain will consider him "friend" by November 4th. If it gets as ugly as it should, it will be largely thanks to Biden.

When will Bo Biden be eligible to run for President? I'm not sure I'd be for him, but he's "got it". Let's hope "it" is good.

Good Bless No More Hornets.

Venjanz said...

Ex.. I think you are going to have to dump Chappy from your ticket, and become my Veep.

Ven/Ex 2008

You have to be Veep because you are too old to be Pres (no offense).

SI can be AG because he is a lawyer, Evo can clean the toilets, OG can be press secretary, and I think Philly would make a good Sec-Treasury; just as long as he does what I say.

DB said...

Re: #20...that old rag? Welcome to the 21st century United States!

tina FCD said...

Obama is visiting my little city on Sunday. Only a few blocks from where I live.
Would you go try to catch a glimpse of him, oh, and Biden? Oh, and do you recommend taking a bag of Cheeto's?

I would love to try the Flamming Hot Lime Crunchy Cheetos! Yummy.

John Evo said...

Venjanz, I'll take a dump, but I'm not even flushing.

The Exterminator said...

Real men don't eat puffy.

I lived in New York most of my life, but I never learned the difference between a New York minute and a "regular" one. Maybe time just seems to go faster when life is more vivid. Where I live now, in Central Florida, a minute seems to last for two weeks.

I love any food that's flamming. Also, I think you've got a man-crush on the entire Biden family.

You have to be Veep because you are too old to be Pres (no offense).
No offense taken. Why would I care what a child says?

Welcome to the 21st century United States!
Oh, yeah. As Venjanz will probably tell you, sometimes I forget what year it is.

I could see Biden really digging in and getting his hands dirty with a bag of (crunchy) Cheetos. Obama, as we've all been told so often, only goes for cheesy snacks that taste like Brie.

Evo (again):
As long as your bowel movements are regular, the nation is happy.

Anonymous said...

Yo, Venjanz! You want to dump me from the ticket, then you don't even offer me a position in your administration? Damn, guy, that's low. Haven't you heard? I'm gonna be borrowing Hillary's balls. Watch out, man.

Venjanz said...

Chappy, it's politicking, no hard feelings.

Since Ex, who some allege rapes stray dogs, is no longer interested, maybe you would like to be my Veep? Instead of Ex, who is accused of raping stray dogs.

Since Ex rapes stray dogs "allegedly", I'm thinking you would be a more acceptable running mate.

I am the only major candidate that advocates rounding up Liberals and putting them in concentration camps, and you would be in charge of that.

Want the job? BTW, Ex rapes stray dogs.

John Evo said...

Venjanz - that's outrageous to even imply such a thing.

He knows them.

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