Quazy Quistian Puzzle
I spend a lot of hours in the Atheosphere, and I visit a lot of blogs. Almost every day, I find writing here that makes me laugh, or spurs my anger, or gets me seeing something in a new way.
But like many atheists, I have a touch of ADD. So I must admit that – although the posts themselves are often unique – I’m getting tired of the same old titles, over and over again. On the other hand, the name of each blog I read is a clue to the personality of its author and the kind of content on which he or she focuses. Hmmm, what to do?
Because I’m such a super-creative, but nice, guy, I’ve come up with alternate names for some of my favorite blogs. You can solve these as if they were items in a puzzle, if you care to. But I’m not giving any points to my co-nonreligionists because I have to save up those precious commodities to award to Christians who beat me in debates. (If you’re keeping score, so far the tally is: Exterminator — an infinite number of points; Religionists — zero.)
Hey, that gives me an idea. If a god-deluded commenter can identify the original name of any blog below, as well as the name of its writer(s), he or she will receive a point to log into god’s record book. I'm talking about one whole point for each correctly identified blog and blogger. Wow! That’ll sock it to us, atheists, huh? However, once a blog and its writer are officially recognized, no one else will be awarded points for it. Please include only one answer per comment, to show courtesy to other Christians who are trying to score big with Jesus. You may, of course, comment as often as you wish.
- A Renouncer’s Shul
- Torquemada, the Elitist Cross-Examiner
- It’s Me Writing About You ... or Maybe It’s You Writing About Me ... or Maybe It’s Both of Us Writing About Each Other ... or Maybe I’m on a Break
- Tentacles, Not Biscuits
- Some Fucking Asshat Fundy Fucking Forced Me to Fucking Write This
- Sun-spots from an Average Woman
- Godless Grinner
- Notes from an Ex-Mormon Chick Living in ... Look, Just Read My Novel, OK?
- Cranky Ol’ Sabertooth
- Profundities about Pedophiliac Pastors
- Stop Stinging Me, You Assholes, and Answer the Fucken Question!
- The Verdant Waistband
- Doctor Doggie’s Droppings
- It Means “Bullshit,” OK?
- Southern Skeptic’s Rebel Yell
- Left (Behind?) to Ponder
- (((((I Hate Woo ((((and So Does ((My Wife (((and My Kids))))))))))))))
- The Shoeless Smartass
- Is That a Pencil in My Pocket or Just My Badly Tailored Trousers?
- Extreme Economy of Expression ... AND I Love Boys!
- Why Don’t You Get a Life?
- Sorry, but the Argument Was Unavoidable
- Unmelodious Missing Link
- A Trollop In the Photo Gallery of Rationality
- No, That Doesn’t Stand for “Blow Job”
Hey, Exterminator, I enjoyed reading this.
71 comments:
24. A whore in the temple of reason
http://www.templewhore.blogspot.com/
3. Yinyang - This is you Reading About Me - Or Not.
8. C.L. Hanson - Letters From A Broad
I'm pretty sure I've got a couple of more, but I'll step aside and let some others play the game too. I'll do that because I'm one of the good atheists with a sense of morality, not one of those baby-eating, fornicating Satan-worshipping atheists (y'all know who you are).
OK, the score so far:
ozatheist - no points
the chaplain - no points + no points
Christians - no points (as usual)
I'm honored to have made it on the list.
18. The Barefoot Bum by Larry Hamelin
More scores:
The Shoeless Smartass - no points
tungtide - Welcome to No More Hornets and may I personally award you no points. I must admit, that I did have to click on your link to make sure you're not a fundy. I apologize for not having heard of you sooner. Keep up the good godless work.
Theists: no points (naturally)
Damn tungtide beat me to 18.
4. Pharyngula?
5. Evolved and Rational?
2: The Spanish Inquisitor
8: Letters From A Broad
9: The Grumpy Lion, aka The Peeved Pussy
I'll Leave 17 for someone else.
12: The Greenbelt
5: You Made Me Say It
On another note, maybe these prove that (((Wife))) is right: I'm spending way too much time blogging.
11: No More Hornets? You would use your own blog in the game? Well, I guess if your own blog wasn't your favourite, we'd have to wonder. More, I mean.
Ooo! Is this my chance to score big with the big cheese in the sky? Hell, yes.
For number two, I'm going to have to go with The Spanish Inquisitor (which has held a special place in my heart ever since it introduced me to the atheosphere).
I recognize a few of the others but am not yet familiar enough with everyone else's blogs.
1. An Apostate's Chpel
6. Tales from an Ordinary Girl
7. The Friendly Atheist
10. Deep Thoughts
15. Atheist Revolution
17. (((Billy))) The Atheist
19. My Pants Theater
23. Evolutionary Middleman
Still more scores:
Db0: no points + 1 wrong answer + 2 extraneous questions marks = no points
iambilly: no points x 5 + 1 answer already submitted by someone else + 1 unnecessary hint to others + uncalled for wisecrack about my ego + unfairly monopolizing the comments = no points.
Philly: no points x 8 + 1 typo + 2 inexact titles + lazily piling on the answers in one comment = no points.
davohynds: 1 point + 1 extraneous "The" + an unsolicited (maybe not) testimonial + repeating someone else's answer (even though it was only (((Billy))))'s + referring to "the big cheese in the sky" in lowercase = minus 300 points + 301 points for being the first, and so far only, theist to get any of these correct = 1 point.
Exterminator, I happily accept your welcome. I'm usually just a lurker.
I am hardly going to be offended by the (temporary) assignment of "potential fundie," as I'm new-ish in the atheist blogosphere.
Also, my no points will be proudly taped to the back of my refrigerator.
21. Why don't you blog
25. Flumadiddle?
PS: I think I borked your code by just looking at your Godforsaken Blogs. Of course with your perverted mind, even then I can't figure out which is which. :P
Yet more scores:
tungtide: No points for lurking. And, FYI: The best place to tape your no points is on the back of some appliance that doesn't exist, say, your omnibenevolent toaster oven or your trinitarian blender.
Db0: no points + 1 wrong answer (actually a correct answer, but not for the number you cited) + 1 namby-pamby question mark + 1 use of the word "borked" with a meaning I hadn't seen before + 1 gratuitous hint + 1 complimentary characterization of my mind = no points.
Religionists: Still 1 point only, which gives davohynds the opportunity to travel first-class (a better quality meal and free drinks) when he's taken up in the rapture.
16. Right to Think.
Maybe the hint was necessary. You get people like Rhology and Light on your blog too, right? The wisecrack was called for as I am a smartass. As far as monoplozing comments: you requested one per comment and I prefer Scrabble over Monopoly.
Oh look, there are several rules I ignored in my last comment. Oops.
Can I convert my upgrade into a free meal ticket at Purgatory International Airport? The rapture should be a short flight, and first class is only worth it if you're going transcontinental.
How about the back of my interdimensional garbage disposal? Never needs cleaning, you know.
I don't get half a point for being a professional lurker? It's not like I have any good guesses about any of the remaining answers.
Even more scores:
Kira: No points, but only provisionally, since I don't know if you're a theist or not. You can get a full upgrade to 1 point if you praise Jesus or any other deity of your choice.
iambilly: no points for pointing out that you are a smartass + no points for a bad pun. You're in real danger of falling into negative-points territory now.
Philly: no points for admitting your own flaws, which only further demonstrates that you're not a Christian. If you don't watch out, you're gonna be joining (((Billy))) in MinusLand. Are you willing to risk having to spend eternity listening to his puns?
davohynds: You may apply your 1 point in any manner you wish, although I'd heard that Purgatory International Airport has been closed since being abandoned by the Universal Indulgences Corporation. But here's a tip: If you earn only 999,999,999 more you can trade them in for a "Get Out of Hell Free" card. So you may want to start saving up. You might also be awarded a few extra points for being the rare theist with a demonstrable sense of humor. On the other hand, if it turns out that you're a recent deconvert, you'll have to return whatever points you've earned.
tungtide: no half points + no points for special pleading. What do I look like, the Vatican?
If you were a professional lurker tungtide, you'd know all these blogs. Since you don't, I think you should start to get to know them all, especially #5. I hear that one's pretty good, but it takes forever to load because the author is one of those pain in the ass artist types.
Philly: no points for unabashed self-promotion. In fact, you came dangerously close to being mistaken for a Christian. The only thing that saved you was the fact that you hadn't left three or four links to posts that disproved this puzzle.
Special private advice for tungtide: If you're new to the Atheosphere, you might find #5 a little gamy for your taste. If I were you, I'd limit my atheistic input to milder sites in which the blogger is far more genteel (Note: not gentile), like, say No More Hornets.
Nope, I'm an atheist. Would praising the FSM get me points?
I live in freakin' Wilkes-Barre, PA. I'm already in major negatives.
Tungtide: I strongly recommend iambilly (or (((Billy))) The Atheist)(or the (Parenthetical Atheist (thought that one doesn't exist anymore (long story (which someday I may be able to tell)))(and by now you may be wondering what's up with all the parentheticals? I have no idea)).
You'll get no argument from me, Billy. That place creeped me out.
Further scores:
Kira: no points for being an atheist. The FSM is not one of our recognized deities here, so praising him would do you no good. And just a piece of advice: As is the case with all other gods or goddesses, flattery of him/her/it will get you nowhere.
iambilly: no points for parentheses, particularly when nested, or even used as part of a smiley, as in P%;) -- a winker wearing a ball cap with propellers on it, backwards and upside-down. I also believe that brackets, braces, and chevrons are worth no points, too, but that's just off the top of my propeller-free head. I'd have to check the rulebook.
Philly: no points for agreeing with (((Billy))). About anything.
Christians: holding steady at 1 point earned by davohynds, who is treading dangerously close to the dark side.
I already read many of the blogs listed in this puzzle. Philly, I've been heading to yours about the same amount of time as this one.
Yes, I've already got Evolved Rationalist, Friendly Atheist, Good Reason, Happy Jihad, and Poodles in my list to name a few.
(((Billy))) is still unknown to me but may remain that way for at least 24 hours due to self promotion
But today's post is titled "Penis Trees." Really, Tungtide, this has got to be one of my strangest posts ever.
Look what happens when I leave town for a day...
"missing link"?
Notice I don't argue with "unmelodious"?
Do I get any points for not even trying?
Well, shit! I'd better get on the self-promotion bandwagon before you guys steal all the readers. Come on over and spend some time at An Apostate's Chapel. We don't sing hymns, we never pray and we don't hold potluck dinners. In short, we're as godless as the next atheist, and the one next to her too.
Scores Galore:
tungtide: no points for listing atheist blogs you like, particularly since Philly's and mine are among them, which sounds like a bit of ass-kissing if you ask me. Also, no points for not visiting (((Billy)))'s blog, although most of us do have the greatest respect for your taste.
(((Billy))): no points for a titillating title + no points for a strange post + no points for shilling for readers.
Evo: no points for leaving town for a day + no points for not arguing with "unmelodious" + no points for not singing here, but our not-so-humble thanks for restraining yourself.
SI: no points for not even trying + no points for indirectly dissing this extremely educational puzzle.
chappy: no points for self-promotion + no points for your sneakily sexist comment about "guys" + no points for saying "shit," because you followed it with a Christian exclamation point.
Woo-ists: still leading by the bare margin of 1 point. Is davohynds your chief rabbi or ayatollah or something? I expected better things from you folks: at least one misspelled word, or capitalized sentence, or grammatical mistake. You should be ashamed of yourselves. (I'm not referring to your beliefs, but -- while I'm at it -- you should be ashamed of yourselves for those, too.)
I don't think your readers know what you are talking about re: my singing, Ex. So might I encourage them to
go here and listen to the first 60 seconds?
As long as everyone is doing shameless plugs?
That was only 60 seconds! Seemed like at least an hour.
SI... give the strangers a chance to make up their own minds. You've obviously had a "bad experience" and are now emitting some very negative, and unhelpful, vibes. I sincerely hope Ex awards you zero points for this.
Shhh. Ex, you're going to spoil my plan for world domination. I am currently working on a book explaining how all "holy" writings actually point to myself as the culmination of humanity's hope.
Then, through the development of a cult of personality and brutal crackdowns and censorship of all who oppose, I will unite the world under Davoism.
But this all has to be perfectly timed. You naming me as the "chief rabbi/ayatollah" throws off my whole time table.
Besides, it's in your best interest to comply. Once in power, I'll make you sultan of Martinique or somewhere like that... as long as you'll submit to working for a Kook-ist. I'll even let you edit my "Manual on how to rule the world and deceive the masses."
I thought that was already written. It's called The Prince
Come on Ex, surely Davo should get at least an extra .0001 points for providing some good humor rather than the crap all the other theists spew all over our blogs! I'll take a cool fundy over a douchebag one any day! Eh hm, no offense Davo. ;-)
Looking for a fight? Go over to Steph's Blog.
DB:
If I were worried about being offended, I probably would steer clear of this blog (and each and every one of you for that matter.)
But just because I'm a theist, does that mean I have to be a fundy, too? I'm really not too keen on the fundies.
Though I am not the head atheist in these parts, I am willing to retract any erroneous claim of your fundyness since you obviously are way to cool to be one. My bad. Put in a good word for me with the big cheese in the sky. I'm really nice and I make awesome Burritos! (whatever that asinine comment means)
Update on Scores:
Evo: definitely no points for linking to your singing + no points for whining to SI + no points for referring to "vibes" + no points for having any hopes whatsoever about Ex's future actions = no points.
SI: no points for pointing out the obvious.
Philly: No points for sneakily slipping in an indirect reference to "the ends justify the means."
DB: no points for making up fractions of points + no points for misidentifying davo as a fundy + no points for retracting your misidentification + no points for insulting douchebags + no points for making Burritos, their awesomeness notwithstanding = no points.
Grumpy: no points for attempting to lead people away from my blog + no points for pointing out yet another post in which atheism is characterized as a religion + no points for giving me a run for my lack-of-money on grumpability = no points.
davohynds: 1 point for not being offended +1 point for not steering clear of this blog -1 point for not steering clear of any of these other clowns' blogs -1 point for stealing only two parentheses from ((Billy)) +1 point for not being a fundy +1 point for not being too keen on fundies -1 point for qualifying the extent of your non-keenness by using the word "too" +300 points for not making any spelling errors +300 points for not inserting any extraneous capital letters +300 points for eschewing exclamation points -600 points for putting a period inside the parentheses instead of outside +365 (potential) points for not mentioning Jesus for the next year -666 points (required points-tax to support the anti-Christ) = 0 points.
So the Christians' Grand Total remains at 1 point.
Damnit. I was this close to putting that period outside the parentheses. I always put it on the outside, but second guessed myself. I thought, "Well, since it goes on the inside with quotations marks, maybe it does with parentheses, too." Stupid second guessing. Ex, you scrutinize grammar with annoying impeccability. It makes me nervous, and I like to think I'm a decent writer.
Yeah, yeah. I know. Give me negative points for second guessing myself. Oh, and for mildly insulting you.
Are there any women in this group, curiously?
Oh, Ex, I should get another point. You gave me -1 for "not steering clear of any of these other clowns' blogs." Actually, yours is the only one I have had time to read religiously so far.
Score Correction:
davohynds: +1 point for admitting that Grammar Nazis get him nervous +1 point for realizing that second-guessing himself will lose him a point -1 point for second-guessing himself +1 point for insulting me -1 point for doing that only "mildly" -1 point for not realizing that chappy is a woman -1 point for reading anything religiously +1 point for actually reading something other than the bible = 0 points.
The Grand Total remains at 1 point for the religionists.
By the way, everyone, these items still remain unidentified: #13, #14, #20, #22, #25
Ex, I'd never try to seduce people away from your blog, unless to get them to mine. I was merely suggesting that you would find quite a challenge at Steph's. She's a real bulldog in argument, never pulls a punch, never gives an inch. Might cost you points though... :)
And I don't need no steenking pointses!
Praise Jesus!!! the Holy Spirit has inspired me to say that #25 is bjkeefe.
And #14 is Flumadiddle
I mean, PRAISE JESUS and pass me ANOTHER...ummm...refreshing beer.!!!!
You guys are freakin' hilarious!
Do you score like golf where a lower score is better?
These are guesses as all the easier blogs are already taken.
#13 - A Load of Bright
#14 - Flummadiddle (already guessed)
#20 - Elliptica
#22 - An Inevitable Conflict
#25 - bjkeefe (already guessed)
Late Scores
grumpy: no points for using the euphemism "bulldog" to describe Stephi + no points for not needing any points + no points for the worst Mexican accent I've ever read = no points.
Suppurating Incision: no points + no points + no points for a beverage in-joke that no one will understand unless they visit here = no points.
tina: no points for saying "freakin'" instead of "fuckin'" + no points for lumping everyone here together as "hilarious," when it's clear that some of us are merely droll, while others are pants-wettingly funny + no points for failing to identify #13 = no points.
OG: no points + no points + no points for identifying two blogs that have already been identified (nice typing, though) + no points for getting one wrong (still typed very nicely) + no points for referring to the world's dullest sport + no points for falsely claiming to be ordinary + no points for falsely claiming to still be a girl = no points.
#20 -- Eek. Is it that much of a theme? Reason tells me that sexual frustration has always been a theme on my blog, but I like to kid myself that no-one notices.
Now I'm trying to decide if 'economy of expression' is a compliment or just a comment on my lack of posts, recently.
Please award me no points for self-absorption.
Late-breaking Scores from New Zealand
Lynet: no points for being sexually frustrated + no points for kidding yourself that nobody notices + no points for not asking me to help you take care of your problem + no points for not recognizing one definition of "Elliptica" + no points for your last sentence, which made me laugh + no points for asking for no points + no points for not expressing your entire comment as a mathematical equation = no points.
"no points for failing to identify #13 = no points."
Hmmm...I know that's not mine....?
I feel stupid..lol!
I think 13's the only one left - could it be lucky for me? I'm going with Poodle's Place.
Do I win a prize?
Tallies from the U.K.
tina: no points for not living in the U.K. + no points for feeling stupid + no points for being too humble to see the obvious (ask mister Jeb what I mean) + no points for spelling lol backwards = no points.
yunshui: no points for getting the answer wrong + no points for appealing to luck + no points for asking for a prize + no points just on general principles because I can't remember that you're Yoon-shway instead of Yun-shwee + no points for not realizing that if you dropped both U's out of your name you could rearrange the letters to spell "shiny" = no points.
How do you get Yoon-shway from Yunshui? What language is that? It should be shoo-ee. It would be so in Japanese, and apparently in Chinese as well and in this you can actually hear it as shoo-ee or shwee.
This whole thing is rigged. Only Christians can get points. I probably won't get any points for figuring out that #13 is Mr. Jebs Blog
Scores and Scores
Philly: no points for any references to Japanese, Chinese, Greek, Finno-Ugric, Klingon, or teenage text-speak.
Spamming Infomercial: no points + no points for complaining about getting no points + no points for misspelling your first name + no points for pointing out one of the main points of this mostly pointless post, which is that points matter only to pointy-headed Christians = no points.
Christians: 1 point earned fairly and squarely by the funny and good-humored davohynds -1000 points just for having the points-obsessed Rhology on your team = -999 points.
Bother. My blog title is twice as cool as I had realised and I can't even pretend I meant to do that.
LOL, these are great!!! All the ones I recognize are hilarious, and my own is particularly apt. I should have just called my blog that in the first place so there'd be no confusion. ;^)
Who is this damn uRhology character who ruined my chances of getting into Shinytown? I'm gonna excommunicate the punk.
Really Late Scores
Lynet: no points for saying "bother," although some of us condescending Americans think it's cute + no points for not at least trying to pretend + no points for not writing your comment in sonnet form = 0 points.
C.L.: No points for laughing during a serious discussion + no points for beating around the bush with the title of your blog + no points for including a fucking smiley in your response + no points for not saying "bother" + no points for not whispering something suggestive in French = 0 points.
davohynds: -1 point for not realizing that your own individual point is retained by you despite the fact that the Christian community as a whole is deep in the negative column +2 points for the name "uRhology" +2 points for threatening to excommunicate him +2 points for calling him a "punk" -4 points for not calling him something stronger than "a punk." Grand Total = 1 point. Use it wisely.
Bird are really cool. Do you have any more bird stories for us, Ex?
OG: no points for making me say "tweet."
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