Friday, August 29, 2008

What Obama Must Do

Sarah Palin is a very bad choice — for Democrats. The Obama campaign needs to reevaluate their stupid strategy and tactics immediately. Here are some reasons why Palin should be making Republicans salivate.

  • She's hardcore pro-forced-maternity. She’s anti-gay. She’s got that whole Christian thing imbuing her with a godly glow. That will mobilize the fundies and give "undecided" woo-ists a good reason to abandon Obama.
  • She can say, over and over again, something along the lines of: “The Democratic candidates talk a lot about what they've done in the past for women. But the Republican party is the one that really empowers women today." I predict that she'll mention Hillary's "18,000,000 cracks in the glass ceiling” many, many times throughout the campaign.
  • She nullifies Biden. Because of his age and potential "chivalrousness," he will not be comfortable attacking her with full vigor. Or else, he'll look like an asshole, and probably put his foot in his mouth. She, on the other hand, can lace into him freely — and, no doubt, will.
  • As a former beauty queen and sports anchor, she won't be too threatening to Republican sexists, who will be able to dismiss her — privately of course — as "window dressing," all the while talking publicly about how egalitarian their party is.
  • She'll be able to play on the just-below-the-surface justifiable anger of middle-of-the-road white women, who feel as if their gender issues have once again been forced to take a back seat to African-American issues. This has been going on since shortly after the Civil War, when the word "male" was added to Section 2 (which addressed voting rights) of the Fourteenth Amendment.
  • She's young enough for Republicans to fantasize about her running for president eight years (or only four!) from now, after she has raised her national profile in the vice presidency.
  • She's a fisherwoman and hunter, and her husband is a sportsman. She has been a member of the NRA all her life, and her husband is a longtime union member. Those blue-collar workers, the electoral base that, apparently, must be pandered to, will eat that up.
  • She really can call herself a maverick because she stood up to Republican insiders in Alaska, and raised hell about corruption within her own party. Pat Buchanan characterized her as "a reformer with guts." In fact, she ran her gubernatorial campaign as an agent of change. So the Democrats can no longer claim sole ownership of that word. (Biden, on the other hand, is clearly a Washington insider, no matter how many times he took the train back and forth during the last thirty-six years.)
  • She cut property taxes when she was mayor of Bumfuk ... excuse me, Wasilla. Americans hate property taxes.
  • She has a son going to Iraq in September, just as Biden does. So all the before-the-fact presumptive heroism of Beau Biden is moot now. On top of which, the Biden kid is a privileged captain, while her son is an enlistee first private.
So here are some things the Democrats must do if they want to win:
  • Immediately give up on pandering to the evangelical fascists, and start trying to excite freethinkers and other secularists, who are embittered by the constant god-pushing of the primaries and the convention.
  • Cede the gun-lovers to the Republicans. Advocate, loudly and proudly, for gun control.
  • Stop being so wishy-washy about abortion and categorizing women’s rights by how many months have elapsed in a pregnancy. Say Roe v. Wade as often as possible.
  • Don’t keep telling us what a good man John McCain is, and how he served his country heroically. He’s not a particularly good man; he’s a fucking hustler. And it doesn’t take any courage — or military savvy — to get shot down.
  • Resist the temptation to praise Hillary at every goddamned opportunity. Mentioning her over and over merely pours salt on the wounds of her supporters. She and Bill know that. Instead of singling her out, talk about how women will be empowered in an Obama administration. Maybe even make a promise to appoint women to the Cabinet and/or the Supreme Court.
  • Avoid characterizing Michelle as a wife and mother, and give her free rein to open her effective mouth and speak out strongly on the issues.
  • Don’t fall into lockstep with the Republicans on the Russia/Georgia situation. Point out how the Bush White House helped to instigate a world crisis.
  • Refer as often as possible to the Bush family’s friendship with the ruling Saudi theocrats. If necessary, trot out some photos of their mutual hugfests.
  • Come up with a substantive alternative energy plan, and explain how that will ultimately help Americans save money.
  • Talk about an education plan that will keep our public schools out of the hands of fundamentalists, who discourage children’s interest in science, and by so doing, may hinder future scientific advancements. Excoriate states that propose bills or amendments (like Florida 7 and 9) that will publicly finance religious teaching at the expense of secular education.
  • Drop all support for faith-based initiatives, reading aloud, if necessary, the First Amendment to the Constitution and appropriate passages from the writings of the Founding Fathers (for example: Thomas Jefferson's "Act for Establishing Religious Freedom" and James Madison’s “Memorial and Remonstrance”). Remind Americans, again and again and again, that one of the things that makes our country great — and separates us from the Muslim world — is our absolute refusal to bow to the authority of religious extremists.
I don't know how the rest of you feel about my suggestions. But if Obama does all those things, he might actually earn my vote.


EnoNomi said...

Wait, arn't you voting for YOU?

The Exterminator said...

I'll withdraw from the race if, and only if, Obama stops spouting off about his faith. I'm not sanguine about that possibility, so I don't foresee myself pulling my hat out of the ring and putting it back on my cat's head.

Anonymous said...

She’s got that whole Christian thing imbuing her with a godly glow.

Obama's glowing pretty brightly these days too, so that may be a wash.

John Evo said...

Here's the thing, folks. It's not about the fundies or the liberal left (us). They "know" they are on the right side of history. We accept the evidence that we are! But America is a much weirder place than that...

We are a land of dumbshits. No offense, lurkers.

There are about 50 million voters (actual voters) who are equally capable of marking a ballot for Ronald Reagan or Bill Clinton. It all depends on how they feel (emotionally) and how their jobs and bank accounts are doing. Throw on top of that they listen closest to the man who is most effective at painting his opponent negatively, and you have the recipe.

This has all the earmarks of a "down to the wire" election and that doesn't bode well for Obama. McCain will almost certainly be more effective at painting Obama negatively. Obama has the "jobs and bank accounts" working for him. So it comes down to "emotions". Are people going to be more scared of Obama and terrorism, or more pissed at Republicans for the past 8 years?

I wish I could tell you that people will vote to stop torture, and to restore Habeas Corpus and the Constitution. But the 50 Million doesn't reason that way. Rationality is hardly in the toolbox.

The Exterminator said...

Obama's glowing pretty brightly these days too, so that may be a wash.
That's why, unless Obama changes his tune from "When You Wish Upon a Star" to "I've Got No Strings," you and I will still be running for the Offices of President. And Vice President. Of the United. States. Of America. (The crowd is wildly indifferent.)

New Slogan for us: Change you don't have to believe in.

How cynical you are. I'm glad to see that you've tossed away your Pollyanna outfit. You looked ridiculous in that bonnet and jumper anyway.

John Evo said...

That outfit was always in your imagination anyway, but I couldn't bear the thought of disabusing you of such entertaining imagery.

You think I'm an "optimist" because I don't paint all stupid people as "equally stupid"!

Anonymous said...

Cede the gun-lovers to the Republicans. Advocate, loudly and proudly, for gun control.

WTF, believe it or not, some liberals and secularists own guns. This is just a stupid idea by knee-jerk anti-gunnies. Sorry, but if Obama does that, we'll be enticed to just sit out the election. :)

The Exterminator said...

That outfit was always in your imagination anyway ...
I don't know ... the image in my mind was pretty damned vivid.

I guess unless you have a gun in your hand, you're reluctant to identify yourself.

The people who advocate gun control are not necessarily anti-gun. They just don't think that nuts and crooks should be able to buy guns, nor do they think that unquestioned ownership of any and all guns should be championed by the government. That's an interpretation of the Second Amendment that's Constitutionally defensible, by the way, whether you like it or not. And it's also both practical and reasonable, unless you're the kind of bloodthirsty loony who thinks that all Americans, regardless of their mental health or prior criminal activity, should have access to all kinds of weapons and as many as they want.

Politically, Obama will have very few knee-jerk (yeah, your term) gun-worshippers voting for him anyway. So he ought to take a strong position that his "base" can get excited about.

DB said...

I am not sold that she is the best pick for President if McCain dies. Simple as that. Can she run our country effectively if she is the President? If a republican can say that honestly I will call them on their bullshit.

The Exterminator said...

I am not sold that she is the best pick for President if McCain dies.

But do you get the idea that maybe you're not the person they're trying to sell? And if you're so deluded as to believe that you can "call" dyed-in-the-wool Republicans on their bullshit you'd better lay off the sauce for a while.

John Evo said...

Anonymous - is it my imagination or are you someone who has commented here before - with a name? Why not just speak your mind. You don't have to be embarrassed about owning your gun. Like Ex says, even most liberals aren't trying to take your gun rights away. We'd just like to know who is buying guns, how many they are stockpiling, making sure they don't buy tomahawk missals, etc. Oh, and it would be great to prevent criminals from having them.

The Exterminator said...

I have to admit that, as an atheist, I'm just as much against private ownership of "tomahawk missals" as "tomahawk missiles." Maybe even more so, since I believe the former are, ultimately, far more dangerous.

DB said...

I am the not the person being sold to because I lack a vagina. Good point. I must be hitting the sauce hard to think that Republicans are rational...

John Evo said...

Ex, I knew it was wrong, but my damn spellcheck didn't highlight it! I was lazy though. Should have checked.

The Exterminator said...

... I lack a vagina.
Well, that explains why you pee standing up. I was starting to worry.

And please save some of that irrationality-blurring sauce. If McCain is elected, you may have to pass it around. Come to think of it, if Obama is elected, you may have to pass it around, too. Oh, what the hell! Why not just buy a round of drinks right now?

Should have checked.
You think puns grow on trees? If you're gonna start to spellcheck, that's going to negatively impact my wordplay business. Don't you support LAFTA?

Venjanz said...

For the pervs... I have posted a link to a Palin naked vid on my blog (this will finish her)

The Exterminator said...

Hmmmm. Even a crypto-fascist, misogynistic, gay-bashing, war-hungry ultra-right-wing extremist like you would rather see Barack Obama in the raw than Sarah Palin naked. I guess that says something about the current political state.

Anonymous said...

O.K., here's a wildly paranoid theory. Palin was selected by the same group of dark neo-Nazis that gave us torture as standard operating procedure. They've always hated McCain because he's that "maverick" and not a team player. So, 6 months after the election, which McCain wins by another razor thin majority and during which we see levels of negative campaigning worse than anything done to Andrew Jackson, the dark prince and his henchmen arrange for McCain's demise. Now they have life member of the NRA, whose views on abortion mirror the Pope's and whose bonifides with the oil industry are as good as "Dubya's", sitting in the White House. It's enough to give guys like Dobson and Robertson wet dreams for years to come.

I hope this remains a paranoid fantasy. But unless the Dems find some back bone and begin reminding the great unwashed masses of the things the guys running the GOP are capable of, they'll be lulled to sleep again by the sound bite nostrums Karl and the boys are so good at. They'll plop down in front of the tube to watch "The Biggest Loser" and we'll end up with a Supreme Court that votes 9 to 0 to end abortion, opens us all to unlimited spying and the end of habeus corpus. Oh, and even bigger pay days for the military industrial complex.


The Exterminator said...

Here's another paranoid thought to add to your scenario. What if the Republican bigwigs already know that McCain is dying? He's not looking any too good on the campaign trail, is he? That would explain their reluctance to pick Romney or Giuliani or Lieberman or even Pawlenty, none of whom could easily be controlled by the shadow government after Mr. P.O.W. kicks the bucket. So they find yet another empty-headed "decider" like Bush, and another palsy vice president runs the show.

Be that as it may, Obama still has to win over the electorate. So he's pandering in a big way to those citizens whose votes are responsible for everything disgusting in this country, spouting wrong-headed "ideas," some of which are absolutely revolting, and many of which are nothing but the usual vague hot air. And he's virtually ignoring the secular community, whose members, as everyone knows, are too elitist and too morally evil to matter.

And if he gets elected, he'll owe fealty to the same purveyors of superstition that the Republicans -- and many Democrats -- already do.

Anonymous said...

Ex - have you and Catherwood overdosed on Robert Ludlum novels again?

Spanish Inquisitor said...

Ludlum's dead too. The Republicans knew he was exposing their reality and did him in.

Here's the scenario I see. McCain dies in office, Palin becomes President, and since they'll need another VP, a la Ford/Rockefeller, she's get to choose her new VP. And that would be...?

...Cheney. For 8 more years if his ticker holds out.

The Exterminator said...

Are you implying that one of the candidates -- besides McCain, I mean -- has amnesia?

Now, that's paranoia. Maybe I should offer my own variant of Godwin's Law.

Exterminator's Law: As a blog discussion on politics grows longer, the probability of someone scaring civil libertarians by mentioning Dick Cheney approaches one.

Anonymous said...

McCain has dementia, not amnesia.

John Evo said...

Ex said: And if he gets elected, he'll owe fealty to the same purveyors of superstition that the Republicans -- and many Democrats -- already do.

Dude... stop undermining him. It's seriously a scary thought that you and Catherwood bring up. Even if not "game-planned" that way, it could be a de facto truth. I'm not going to go "lesser of evils" on you. I'll just remind you that there is a difference even if it's not the difference we would like. If you can't bring yourself to vote Obama - I GET IT. Just don't make it even more likely that McCorpse wins.

Will Obama owe religious people? yeah. Will he owe the SAME religious people? No.

Anonymous said...

I've already heard there is a Sarah Palin Caribou Barbie, she comes with a hunting rifle and a dead polar bear. Sold seperately: her Alaskan Secessionist Dreamhome.

John Evo said...

Eno - does the "dreamhouse" come with the backyard oil derrick or do you have to purchase that separately?

Anonymous said...

You all make me laugh... the "left" and the "right" have no desire for rational thought, discourse and policy decisions. I think once we come to grips with that and realize that ours is the smallest of demographics, our lives will be better served. I call myself a libertarian who believes in a strong national defense. I vote accordingly. Hopefully one day we'll truly (AND PLEASE DON"T TELL SAY OBAMA) have a leader who can stand up for reason while respecting those who have a hard time seeing the light. Fact is, it's easier to believe the "gods are bowling" to explain thunder and lightning than not.