Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Stermy Awards for December 2007

Because the next few days will be taken up for me by (1) entertaining an out-of-town guest, (2) the annual Christmas Bird Count, (3) a five-hour trip to and from a not-so-nearby airport, (4) New Year's Eve festivities, and (5) New Year's Day festivities, right now may be the only opportunity I have to bestow this month's Stermy Awards for Exemplary Writing in the Atheosphere.

In the month since I came up with the idea for these little nods of recognition, I've given further thought to the "rules." Here's what I've decided:

  • Exactly five Stermies will be awarded each month.
  • The awards will be announced on the 28th, 29th, 30th, or 31st of the month, depending on my mood and schedule. Judging for the following month's Stermies will begin the nanosecond after my post is published.
  • No blogger may win more than one Stermy in any month, but a blogger may win Stermies in consecutive months. That would really upset my sensibilities, however, so it will happen only rarely, if ever. And the second month's post better be a real doozy.
  • The Stermy is an award for Exemplary Writing, so a straight graphic, no matter how great, will probably not be eligible, unless I decide it is, which I won't. On the other hand, a scripted video might get consideration, but only if it's fucking fantastic.
  • The subject matter of a post does not specifically have to be atheism for it to be in contention for a Stermy. However, the blogger must be a known atheist.
  • Guest-bloggers are eligible. However, when a guest-blogger earns a Stermy, the blog's proprietor will be disqualified for that same month.
OK, I'm gonna say something here that should come as no surprise to my regular readers. I hate rules of any kind, but particularly arbitrary ones. So fuck the guy who decided only five Stermies would be awarded each month. Here are the Stermy Award winners for December, listed in alphabetical order by name of blogger:
Babs at Flumadiddle
for Dueling Deities
There are deities for thunder, deities for rain, deities for comfort, deities for pain. Deities for hunger, deities for wars, or maybe you would rather choose the deity for whores. Deities for justice, deities for wine, deities for cattle, deities for swine ... So I thought a list of deities might help you get things kickin'. There's over one thousand listed here. Are you ready to start your pickin'?

C.L. Hanson at Letters from a Broad
for The "War on Christmas" and the war on being considerate to others ...
Call me crazy, but to me well-wishing should have some sort of (theoretical?) connection with actually wishing the person well. And especially during the holiday season, what's wrong with a little goodwill to all? Even to those people who are **shudder** a little different from yourself.

Phillychief at You Made Me Say It
for As the Wolves Feast
What I see from everyone involved is, like the video above, a scene of vicious predators tearing into fresh meat to feed themselves. So many rush in for their moment to exploit the situation to advance their goals. Frankly it sickens me almost as much as the thought of the shootings itself since, for my list of douchedom, those who can exploit the misery of others are merely a hair below those who actually inflict the misery on others.

Ric at Grumpy Lion
for Romney: Empty Suit Pandering
Well, no, Willard, the debate is not about preserving American leadership. The debate is about getting that little sot and his friends out of the White House and regaining at least some of the credibility and respect the Republicans have completely trashed for the last six years in the world community. And the religious beliefs of so-called Christians have had a lot to do with driving this country down into the trash heap of immorality and illegality.

Spanish Inquisitor at Spanish Inquisitor
for Make Believe Super Santa!
The point I’m getting at is that the idea of Santa, even though we know it is pure fabrication, is benign when viewed in the limited setting it’s placed - childhood. Childhood, that short period of time where everything is possible, where logic and reason don’t need to exist, where fantasy is welcome, even if fleeting. We grow out of it, we learn the truth eventually, we grow up. No harm, no foul, despite the fact that the entire human population over the age of 10 is engaged in a massive conspiracy to dupe us into believing something that is not true.

the chaplain at An Apostate's Chapel
for I Weep for the Children
As the pastor recounted that story, I had to suppress a shudder. I could not help thinking, “The child is seven years old! What sins could she possibly have committed that would require repentance and divine forgiveness?” I also realized, to my horror, that in order to have learned something about the doctrines of repentance, forgiveness and salvation, Chloe may also have learned something about the corollary doctrines of human depravity and hell.
Once again, I remind everyone that these awards reflect my taste only. There's nothing objective about them. So don't even think about suing me.

I'd like to remind everyone that I'd appreciate a heads-up if you see a post that you think might be Stermy-worthy. If I've left a comment about that post, though, I've seen it already. But if you happen to find exemplary writing that you think I might miss, please do let me know. Thanks.


C. L. Hanson said...


I'd just like to thank Bill O'Reilly and all of the people who were waging war on Christmas for making this award possible for me. :D

Anonymous said...

I want to thank Jesus.

After all, if it hadn't been for him, there would have been no salvation, hell and all that other good stuff for me to write about.

Thank you, Jesus!

Thanks to the Exterminator too.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to all the other winners too. :)

PhillyChief said...

Well I'll thank you for the nod Ex, but I can't thank all those responsible for what I wrote since I would have much preferred it if none of those people did what they did. True, those actions contributed to me getting a Stermy, and the Stermy is awesome, but the price was far too high.

Truly a quality list of winners, and I'm always proud to be in such company. Thanks again.

John Evo said...

First, congratulations to all the winners. I actually have not read some of these; so I will!

Ex, I have noticed that those of us who "hate rules (even arbitrary ones)" have NO PROBLEM with our own rules! But that makes sense.

Finally, what am I? The Susan Lucci of the Stermies?? This sucks. Every post I wrote during December was with the idea - "could THIS be my Stermie moment"? I tried. I really, really tried.

I have to say I'm shocked - SHOCKED - that "Taboo Words - A Self Exam" wasn't selected. I remember fondly the praise you HEAPED on me at the time of the post. :)

PhillyChief said...

Better luck next month, Susan. ;)

Spanish Inquisitor said...

Well, I do appreciate the award, and wish to thank my voice coach, my urologist and the guy that scratched the side of my car last week. (Those guys never get the recognition they deserve, for obvious reasons.) But I will not thank Jesus, because he had absofuckinlutely nothing to do with it.

Susan Evo - that was the post about doing testicle self-examinations, right? No WONDER you didn't win.

John Evo said...

SI said: But I will not thank Jesus, because he had absofuckinlutely nothing to do with it.

I guess if I'm Lucci, you're Sally Fields!

PhillyChief said...

Oh, oh, I want to be Russell Crowe! I can throw a telephone at somebody, no problem and hitting a cop? I've been tempted. ;)

Spanish Inquisitor said...

No, no, Susan - Kathy Griffin. "Suck it, Jesus!"

I've gotten the chance to read the other entries, and without any qualification, they were all much, much better than mine. Bab's video was so perfect, though I didn't know Yoni was a god. I thought Yoni was the female vulva in the Kama Sutra. But I have to admit some ignorance of the female anatomy (and Ex, you will probably notice an increase in hits to this site once the search engines start plugging in "Kama Sutra. It worked for me).

Somehow I also missed CL's rant on the Christmas wars (silly, aren't they?) and Philly's snout licking feast on the shooting. That must have been the week of a trial I was in, though I did read and comment to Ric on the Romney speech.

Hmmmm. Must pay more attention.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Ex. It's about time I won an award for my intensive and profound work raging at the dark, for my delicate phrasing addressing the great issues of the day, for my wit and intelligence, for my.....

Oh crap, alright, I'll fess up. The cats write the blog. I just help them out with the spelling. But I'm not giving the Stermie back. No way! The cats ate it.

Unknown said...

Congrats to all the winners! I've been trying to get around to them all, but I've only managed to drop in on a few.

In fairness to John, Susan, or whatever we're calling him, I thought his "Taboo" post was definitely Stermy-worthy!

John Evo said...

Thanks Lifey... nice to know I still have friends. You kind of wonder when a friend is in a position to make you rich and famous and opts not to...

Babs Gladhand said...

Well, I guess I need to thank all those people who made up all those deities. I love imaginary friends! I would also like to thank James Dickey for writing Deliverance, because without it, there would be no Dueling Banjos. However, no matter what SI says, I refuse to thank my vulva.

Since Ex was the one who got me thinking about Dueling Deities, I'm going to pull him up on stage and make him accept my Stermy with me.

And thank you from the bottom of my little, black, atheistic heart.

The Exterminator said...

Babs said: Since Ex was the one who got me thinking about Dueling Deities, I'm going to pull him up on stage and make him accept my Stermy with me.

I'm always glad to toss out a snide comment and have it accidentally turn into a good idea for someone. That's not the way my sarcasm works at home.

Anyway, thanks, Babs, but I'll be sending Sacheen Littlefeather in my place to explain why I can't accept the honor.

Babs Gladhand said...

Is this in protest because I omitted Native American gods from my list?

the blogger formerly known as yinyang said...

Don't despair, Evo, he'll have to give you the award eventually. That's what I have to keep thinking, anyway.

Oh, and Happy New Year, Ex.

Ute said...

Excellent selection... and a good way for me to get back into blogging. Thank you.

Unknown said...

Hello, i like the way you post in your blog,Best advertising Agency in the world | top advertising agencies in pakistan | Marketing Agency | pakistani matrimonial

Unknown said...

I can't wait to see your examples of how your handwriting has evolved! I am obsessed with the different forms that handwriting takes. I love collecting old postcards just to see the writing...
Advertising agencies in UK